Thirty years ago today I got married to my best friend. Lots has changed in the intervening decades, but he's still my best friend and I'm his. I guess that's the bottom line when it comes to a happy marriage.Were we just lucky? Maybe. But I like to think that we entered into the melding of our hearts with a slightly different perspective from other couples. We knew that there would be disagreements. We set ground rules. Wherever possible we would attempt to reach a consensus--something to which we could both agree--even if it wasn't exactly what we wanted. Anything costing more than $25 had to be discussed before purchase. Cell phones have made this one tons easier. And the one so many other couples have recommended: never go to sleep angry, and without an "I love you." Sometimes it's hard to say, "I love you," without the "but...," still we try hard to do it.
Shortly before our wedding, Chris' grandmother Laura, a soft-spoken, witty, blue-haired lady from Louisiana, showed me an old greeting card. It had been given to her and Big George by Chris' mom when she was seven. In it, Maggie had signed, "Best wishes and love on your weeding anniversary." Laura chuckled as I read it aloud and said, "That little mistake became one of the rules by which we ran our marriage. Every year after that we did a little weeding in the garden of our marriage on our wedding anniverary. I highly recommend that Chris and you do the same." She and Big George had been married for over half a century. I loved them both so very much, and am ever grateful that I got to know them and live with them for two months before our wedding, while Chris was in boot camp for the Navy. I saw the little hugs, the caresses, the hand-holding that these people in their seventies did every day, several times a day. It was so sweet! One day in their kitchen, George pulled her to him and bending her over backwards, kissed her full and long on the lips, knowing full well that I could see them from the living room. Laura blushed and pulled her apron down, but she was grinning when she said, "George, we have an audience." He patted her on the fanny and, grinning, left for his workshop in the basement where he built ruling engines for spectrography and huge telescopes just for fun.
That was thirty years ago. Laura and Big George are gone now, no doubt necking in Heaven's halls. My sweetheart and I are comfortable as old slippers, and passionate as movie sweethearts. We've been through the really rough times, the major disappointments, the longings for a child, and the miraculous times as well: adopting our son at birth, getting Chris through college after he got out of the Navy and finding out later that he had adult attention deficit disorder and still managed to graduate with a high average on his accounting and business degree, getting to go back to our beloved Spain for a second tour of duty, and finding my cancer early enough that no chemo or radiation had to follow the surgery. We have been blessed times without number, and that is what we dwell upon, not the bad things.
Rabbi Harold S. Kushner has written, "I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense." That is good for the individual, but it also applies to a marriage. The longer we're married, the more we understand ourselves individually and as "us." This "us" is an entity. When scripture says that they shall become as one, it isn't exaggerating. Something grows between two hearts and minds when two people cling together in love. It is a virtual personage, embodied by the love, sympathy, synchonicities, and understanding that grows between the couple. Indivisible from each, "Us" finishes sentences, knows what the other is thinking, and supplies solutions for problems. They are wise who sustain and nourish this being.
Do we have a perfect marriage? Who does! We've hit speed bumps along the way, but we've also weeded and kicked the sharp rocks out of the way, and at times slowed down to better see the road. Are we still in love like we were the day we married? Not at all. Huh??? We were just starting out. We had no idea what kind of love lay ahead, only hopes of what might be. Today we are in love in a fully bloomed version. Possibilities have come to fruition, some popping up and surprising us, some the result of long and hard work. The thing is, there is no one else on this planet with whom I want to share my life. Chris agrees. That's what marriage has meant to us.We wish everyone could find this kind of bonding to a soulmate, and understand the weeding involved in growing and blooming.
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Comments: 50
Happy anniversary!!!
Hugs,
Leah
Nancy, thanks! And a happy anniverary to you too. Happiness and love!
Steve, thanks so much! We're looking forward to the next years. :-)
Magi
It reminds me of the lyric: And in the end, the love we take, is equal to the love, we make.
, it keeps you young....
Loved the story and the wisdom the in law shared with you.
Marriage is hard work yet the rewards are priceless.
You rock, Annina!
Do you have a perfect marriage? Ah, yeah, you do.
Edward - Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Maureen - Thank you! It has been a great ride!
Donna - Thank you! I think we're cuter now than then too. ;-)
Sigalit - Thank you! Thanks for the "everything good" and "to life" blessings!
Donald - Thanks! [curtsey} ;-)
Nicola - thank you!
Mariana - Thank you! We did share a few tears last night, while holding hands!
Cheryl - Thank you! I agree...some people do give up too soon. I LOVE that song lyric! Thanks for sharing it!
Lee - Thank you! The rewards really ARE priceless.
Beryl - Thank you! I love your analogy of the rough spots polishing the snags away. :-)
Hannah - Thank you! We hope so!
Cindy - Thanks. You're so right!
Dawn - Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
Tanja - We really are that happy! Thanks!
Terry - Thank you! Awww...thanks for the ten. -)
Carolyn - Thank you, mate! :-)
Cynthia C - Thank you for your kind words...we really ARE sticky with glue! LOL!
Laurie - Thanks! They were quite the couple!
Stephen - Thank you. We ARE lucky!
George - Awww, gee...thanks! :-)
Wonderful and wise story about your very rare marriage. You and Chris certainly are wonderful, loving, caring and wise people who know how to make friendship and love last. I hope you both are pproud of this magnificent accomplishment. Congratulations and many more!
L.