by Collins Nonfiction
Member since:
July 12, 2007

Live Chat with Dr Cloud, author of "The One-Life Solution", tonight at 7PM ET

August 26, 2008 12:29 PM EDT (Updated: August 26, 2008 12:35 PM EDT)
views: 204 | comments: 66

Do you feel that if you could get rid of some of the chaos in your work life, you could take your performance to a greater level? Do you stay late at the office many nights, trying to empty an inbox that never seems to diminish? Do you have difficulty dealing with cantankerous bosses or passive-aggressive coworkers? Are you thinking about work during dates, family dinners, or your children's soccer games? Is your work taking over your personal life?

Then join us in a live chat here, tonight at 7PM ET with Dr. Henry Cloud, consultant, clinical psychologist, and author of The One-Life Solution.Through real-world examples from years of working with leaders at companies large and small, Dr. Cloud shows us how to construct and enforce better boundaries against the technological devices, bullying bosses, and distracting coworkers who invade our time and space. Learn how to:

 

  • define yourself and know who you are.
  • set limits when needed.
  • communicate effectively.
  • learn how to improve your performance at the office and outside it.
  • and more!

 

If you can't make the chat, leave a question in the comment field below. One member who joins us for the live chat between 7-7:30PM ET will be selected to receive 100 Gather points!


*You will need to periodically refresh your browser to see new comments during the live chat.

Learn more about this book throughout August in the Bright Ideas from Bestselling Authors group on Gather. Click here to join.


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Comments: 66

Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Aug 26, 2008, 1:01pm EDT
Sounds interesting. I will probably be around for it.
DiAnA D. Aug 26, 2008, 3:31pm EDT
won't be around but sounds interesting!! at 50 I pretty much have my life down pat and very happy!
Cheryl R. Aug 26, 2008, 3:38pm EDT
I probably will be involved at my job. Making supper and normal household routine.
I would like to know how Dr. Cloud has managed to find a one size fits all solution to blending home and career?
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 3:38pm EDT
sounds great, will have to get the kids in bed early:)
Christine Zibas Aug 26, 2008, 3:54pm EDT
Not sure if I can make it, but this sounds like me with my last job. The height of this was when I was working on Labor Day with out-of-town guests on hand. Sound familiar?
Sharon B. Aug 26, 2008, 4:08pm EDT
I will try to make it.
Brenda Rodriguez Aug 26, 2008, 4:14pm EDT
I'll try to make it but it sounds like a book I need to get my husband!!
wishing you the best, slayed this set of dragons years ago. not always understood by the younger set but you really DON'T have to play all these games that you address.

Looks like you have the situation well in hand though.

Peace.
Jim K. Aug 26, 2008, 4:56pm EDT
I'll try and make it to the chat, but I will probably be off the computer... one way I keep my life sane is by avoiding the computer outside of work hours. So here is a question for you ahead of time:
What are your thoughts about the pros and cons of eating at the desk? This is my first job where I have fallen into the habit of eating at my desk somewhat regularly (it seems to be the pervasive culture here, there is no communal place people eat, etc.). I've noticed my stomach feels a bit anxious now when I eat lunch, and the anxious feeling has spread into other meals. It might be unrelated, but I do think it is related to the rushed/multitasking feeling of eating at my desk. Any advice on how to break the habit?
Jan S. Aug 26, 2008, 4:58pm EDT
I like my retirement lifestyle, but can always learn better ways to do things.

I've read about "setting boundaries" recently, and wish I'd had that skill when I was younger. I'm still not entirely sure how to set boundaries for others or for myself. So many of us have trouble stringing the two letters N and O together.
When we spend too much time at work or on volunteer projects, we can do a disservice to our familes.
Can you offer some methods to help with setting boundariess?
Jeffrey Martin Aug 26, 2008, 5:01pm EDT
Hi Dr. Cloud, welcome to Gather! I often feel I'm a slave to my email Inbox. I find it difficult to focus on bigger tasks because of this need to always stay on top of my email. It's never ending and I find it hard to relax knowing there are dozens of unresolved emails just waiting for a response. Any thoughts on how I can address this issue?
Unfortunately, I will be unable to attend this chat tonight. However, I would like to thank Dr. Cloud for taking the time to participate in the live chat and here on Gather. I'd also like to add that I enjoyed the book and will be using it for a resource as needed. I will look for other books by Dr. Cloud.
Hope you all have a great week.
Jennifer aka Jenn B. Aug 26, 2008, 5:58pm EDT
I don't have this as a problem, but my daughter sure does..she eats, sleeps her 'job'
Jennifer aka Jenn B. Aug 26, 2008, 5:59pm EDT
She owns her own business in NY but but she is always ON
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 6:47pm EDT
The chat with Dr Cloud will begin in 15 minutes.
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 6:58pm EDT
Evening!
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 6:59pm EDT
Good Evening Everyone,

Welcome to tonight's live chat with consultant, clinical psychologist, and author, Dr. Henry Cloud. Tonight he'll be taking your questions on his new book, The One-Life Solution. We've had several great questions posted earlier today. Let's begin...
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 6:59pm EDT
Dr Cloud, our first question comes from Cheryl R. She asks:

I would like to know how Dr. Cloud has managed to find a one size fits all solution to blending home and career?
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:01pm EDT
That is a great Question!
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:05pm EDT
Everyone, please bear with us. Dr Cloud is having some technical difficulties but will be with us shortly!
April H. Aug 26, 2008, 7:05pm EDT
Good evening Dr Cloud
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:06pm EDT
Hi Guys
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:07pm EDT
Some technical problems on our end.....but got them fixed. Let's get going....In terms of the "one size fits all" question.....
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:08pm EDT
Hi Dr Cloud!!
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:08pm EDT
Actually the book says the opposite.....there is not one size that fits all.
But, there is one issue that we all have to wrestle with to find our "size."
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:09pm EDT
Jim K asks the following:

What are your thoughts about the pros and cons of eating at the desk? This is my first job where I have fallen into the habit of eating at my desk somewhat regularly (it seems to be the pervasive culture here, there is no communal place people eat, etc.). I've noticed my stomach feels a bit anxious now when I eat lunch, and the anxious feeling has spread into other meals. It might be unrelated, but I do think it is related to the rushed/multitasking feeling of eating at my desk. Any advice on how to break the habit?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:09pm EDT
The issue is our own boundaries and getting in control so that the ways we spend our time and energy are matching up with the things we deem most vital to our lives, both personal and professional.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:10pm EDT
Eating at the desk is a good metaphor for all of us, so let's tackle that one.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:11pm EDT
Here is the issue: are you eating at your desk because work has gotten out of control and you no longer have time to eat? OR.....are you eating at your desk for a good, purposeful reason that actually adds to your life and well-being instead of takes it away. If you are anxious, something inside is telling you that you feel overwhelmed....
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:12pm EDT
I eat at my desk often. Just a quick bite, but i have to eat and work:)
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:12pm EDT
Our next question comes from Jan S. She says:


I've read about "setting boundaries" recently, and wish I'd had that skill when I was younger. I'm still not entirely sure how to set boundaries for others or for myself. So many of us have trouble stringing the two letters N and O together. When we spend too much time at work or on volunteer projects, we can do a disservice to our familes.

Can you offer some methods to help with setting boundariess?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:13pm EDT
It could be that just being there looking at all of that work gets into an anxious paring sort of like Pavlov's dogs and the bell. Just the site of your inbox brings anxiety. In that case, make an appointment with a friend to eat somewhere else so you will have someone to be accountable to. If it is a symptom of being out of control so you can do more work, then it is time for a time audit as i recommend in the book.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:14pm EDT
In the next question, you hit on a key issue, with all of the volunteer projects, etc. competing with families of other key relationships.
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:16pm EDT
Dr Cloud,

Many Americans work a 40 hour work week, but others over 60 hours. Have you found that long hours worked has a negative impact on personal lives? Or does it have a negative impact on job performance?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:16pm EDT
What I suggest is that you really wrap your head around the idea that time is finite.....you only have so much of it. Then, when you see how many nights you have available, spend them as you would money in a budget. How many nights (before you decide how you are going to spend any of them) do you want to spend a month on volunteer work and how many do you want to be at home? How many with friends, etc.? Then, you can know "I have two nights this month, for example, for volunteer work. Which organization or cause would I like to give those to? Then, stay in your budget.
Heather ~of the Whippets~ M. Aug 26, 2008, 7:16pm EDT
How does one go about setting boundaries with someone who seems not to understand boundaries-- someone who, unfortunately, you can't remove from your life?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:17pm EDT
I have to do that with my travel, for example. I have young children and i have to decide, before any requests come in, how many nights a month I am willing to be away. Then, it forces me to be selective.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:19pm EDT
The long hours issue is a good one.....it definitely has an impact on personal life. Either married or single, it just goes without saying that your key relationships require time, and if you have none, they will suffer. In terms of performance, I find that the highest performers do not work as many hours as many of the less stellar performers, but they work more purposefully, as the book talks about.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:20pm EDT
In the book i talk about how once you limit the amount of time you have for work, then it FORCES you to get more efficient and you begin to focus on the things that really bring about results and get rid of a lot of meaningless activity.
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:21pm EDT
What is your opinion on technological devices like the Blackberry? Do you think they have a place in the home, or should they strictly be used at work?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:21pm EDT
In terms of setting boundaries (question above) wiht people who are not that excited about your having boundaries.......
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:23pm EDT
i would suggest having a conversation at some time other than when the conflict or the issue is occuring. Sit down and say, "I want us to get along well and for you to know I care about you, and want the best for our relationship. Sometimes, I need to say no to some things, or want you to not do some things that are hurtful to me, and i need to know that you understand where I am coming from so we can be better friends. For example.......
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:25pm EDT
Everyone, we have 5 minutes left to the chat.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:25pm EDT
then you just fill in the blank and talk about it. If they listen you have opened up a whole new way of being together. If not, you know where things are and go into a different mode of either having to set limits and just empathize with the fact that you understand that they don't understand, or are frustrated with you, but this is what you are going to have to do anyway. Empathize, and keep the limit. Don't justify, or get pulled into a rabbit trail. Keep on the issue. In the book I have an entire chapter with actual scripts of how to do this with people at work, including bosses, and personal relationships as well.
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:26pm EDT
I LOVE my BlackBerry.....but......
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:27pm EDT
and BlackBerry's are outlawed, only outlaws will have BlackBerry's......(sorry I had to say that)....but
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:28pm EDT
I appreciate u taking time out of ur life to discuss ur book with us, Dr Cloud, i have it on my to buy list:)
April H. Aug 26, 2008, 7:28pm EDT
I agreee I lobve my Blackberry
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:28pm EDT
the issue is whether or not you are using the BlackBerry, or the BlackBerry is using you. If it is helping serve your main purposes, like work, time, productivity, etc. and making it easier for you to have time for your home and relationships, it is doing its work. If, however, it is getting in the way of giving you more time and taking all of your time instead, there is certainly a problem. Personally, I made a rule of no business e mail at all in the evenings. It has been very helpful to me to do that.
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:28pm EDT
Dr Cloud,

On a final note, can you tell us the one piece of advice you always live by for managing your own busy work and personal life?
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:29pm EDT
But April....look what it has done to your hair! (at least your icon:))
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:31pm EDT
Remember what is vital, and what is urgent, and make sure that the urgent things NEVER keep you from doing the vital things for more than a day or so. Keep the main thing the main thing, and if you are not doing that as a pattern, come out of denial and make some changes. Like....read the One-Life Solution:)
April H. Aug 26, 2008, 7:31pm EDT
YEs IT tends to control me that is why I have that icon with the hair LOL
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:32pm EDT
haha
April H. Aug 26, 2008, 7:32pm EDT
You have been very helpful Dr Cloud
Dr. Henry Cloud Aug 26, 2008, 7:33pm EDT
Thanks everyone for joining us.....see you again sometime!
Collins Nonfiction Aug 26, 2008, 7:33pm EDT
Good words of advice. We'll all make sure we pick up the book! ;-)

Dr. Cloud, thank you for joining us tonight and thank you to the Gather members who participated. Until next time! Goodnight.
♠~Dnbuster~♠ ~. Aug 26, 2008, 7:33pm EDT
Thanks Dr Cloud
Valerie Roars Aug 26, 2008, 7:35pm EDT
ahhh.....missed it by a few minutes...... :(
Kerrell g. Aug 26, 2008, 7:42pm EDT
I have a couple of projects I need to take care of, so I'm going to pass. Giving you a 10 anyway.
Ms. Meacham: Money Maven Aug 26, 2008, 8:37pm EDT
RE: What I suggest is that you really wrap your head around the idea that time is finite.....you only have so much of it.

Great remember to us all Dr. Cloud.!
Wendy W. Aug 26, 2008, 9:25pm EDT
Thanks so much for all the great advice. I completely agree with what you said about the blackberry. I've tried really hard in the last few years to achieve a good balance between work and life after spending most of my 20's as a workaholic. One way is that I refuse to be tied to my cell phone. In fact, I very rarely use a cell phone and have never owned a blackberry. I don't think it is healthly to interupt whatever you are doing to answer your phone and I don't find it necessary to be available to others or answer e-mails 24/7. The phone interupts your train of thought, face to face conversations, productivity, or quiet time to yourself. It's always hard to "shut down" at the end of the day ... especially with our ringtones begging to be answered!
ISABEL Y. Aug 26, 2008, 9:53pm EDT
I really enjoyed your book and found it quite helpful. Thanks for the great advice!
Stefanie Plum, Gather Partner Team Aug 27, 2008, 9:26am EDT
This was a great chat with Dr. Cloud!

Heather M, you were selected to receive 100 Gather Points for your participation!!!
Steve V. Sep 7, 2008, 11:03pm EDT
sounds interesting
Bob C. Sep 9, 2008, 7:57am EDT
I tried to make it, but I am so darn disorganized that I was stuck at work and forgot all about it ;-)

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