by Susan Budig
Member since:
February 16, 2006

Memory

November 02, 2009 03:41 PM EST
views: 53 | rating: 10/10 (3 votes) | comments: 11

That was a bright and bitter day
The phone rang
She called, for the last time,
simply to say, "I love you"
and nothing more.

It took me a moment
to grasp her message
the way her breath caught
like snowflakes on lashes
a thistle seed on argyles

But when at last I understood
her meaning,
it was too late.
There was nothing left
but an empty dial tone.

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Comments: 11

Beautiful, but so very sad. I think I know who you're writing about -- it always hurts, doesn't it?

Thanks for posting to Mondays Writing Essentials, MWE.

This one, I will read again...

Marilyn
Ann M. (Site Scryer) Nov 2, 2009, 3:54pm EST
How desolate! The last line is heart-stopping-- as if the narrator can now call all she wants but never receive an answer.

Featured at Gather's Best.
Barbara H. Nov 2, 2009, 4:03pm EST
A writing that removes all chance of hope. Realistic but very sad. Like sucking in ones breath and not being able to exhale. Your writing brings on all kinds of reaction. Sure sign of an excellent writer.
Korak 257 Nov 2, 2009, 4:11pm EST
Thank you...very ..very nice !
Richard Thuss Nov 2, 2009, 4:14pm EST
In some ways sad, but to hear the last words from a loved one be "I love you" is really special. My last words with my dad unfortunately were said more in frustration than in love, and he responded more in anger, than in love. I wish I had just told him "I love you."
See, I'm back already. Those words are special. My Dad's last words to me were, "That was the best chocolate cream pie I've ever had."

It's really not the same.
vivi emerson Nov 2, 2009, 6:36pm EST
Mine from my dad were, "promise me you'll never have a long commute and that you'll lose weight." Painful and not at all representative of the relationship we shared.
JOHN BECK Nov 2, 2009, 5:24pm EST
Touching, Susan. I love the simile: Like...a thistle seed on argyles".
d d. Nov 2, 2009, 6:10pm EST
something i would play over and over in my mind. great write.
vivi emerson Nov 2, 2009, 6:34pm EST
Very good. Stronger for the limited text, I think. It seems to covey the distress by hitting the critical parts. And, as I've written before, sorry for your loss. Particularly the way that this came about. Some choices that our loved ones make are gifts that just keep on giving.
Kathryn E. Nov 2, 2009, 7:29pm EST
Your sister? so so sad but so very well done.

Featured in the Triple Name Club.

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