The Temptation Detector 2000

After four hours of touring the flat expanses of Eastern North Dakota, I told my buddy I'd seen empty parking lots with more scenery.

At least parking lots have interesting stuff like white lines and blue handicap symbols to keep the sight-seers from going stir crazy. In fact, people from around Fargo often drive to Minnesota so they can ski or practice mountaineering on the curbs.  Since he worked for the state, I mentioned my friend ought to bring that up with the Tourist Board.

Not hearing a word I said, he just kept droning on about Business Process Modeling. At least by comparison, something made Eastern North Dakota seem interesting.

Bored, my thoughts turned to a Victoria's Secret commercial I'd seen the night before.

Hey, I'm a healthy male, that's allowed.

Suddenly, a flat black box mounted on the dash started flashing and beeping.

My buddy interrupted his monologue long enough to utter, "Uh-oh".

I looked around. There wasn't anything for 20 miles in all directions.

"Where is he?", I asked.

"Who?"

"The trooper, your FuzzBuster went off."

My buddy shook his head pointing at the device on the dash.  "That ain't a radar detector, it's a Temptation Detector. I'm testing it for the North Dakota Department of Public Safety."

"Oh", I muttered, not liking where this was going.

"You see" he went on (in the same tone as his business process monologue), "we got a problem with speeders up here. And we got a problem with setting up speed traps 'cause the cop cars are visible against the horizon."

"I noticed that", I told him, my mind lured back to a television image of silky black ----"

BWWWARAAAAAA!!!

Even bolted down the machine skittered across the dash.

He thumped it with his fist a couple of times, complaining "Damned thing's defective."

I said nothing.

"Well", he went on. "the department got thinking -- why have devices that detect cops when you could have one for consumers that detects speeding, or any unsocial behavior?"

Then he said, raising a finger, "BEFORE IT HAPPENS."

I still wasn't saying anything - and working darn hard not to think anything either.

"this little baby" he said, "goes off the instant you THINK of speeding."

"Cool", I told him completely without sincerity.

"but it's got a few bugs. Dang thing goes off for no reason."

"Like when?", I hoped not to betray myself by the question.

"At first I thought it was just with other people in the car, then I noticed it went crazy around Junior High Schools or when a trucker passed by."

I would have said something but I was concentrating too hard on Business Process Modeling.

"Oh well, they'll work out the kinks. Hey speaking of that I wanna stop in Fargo, there's this waitress who I haven't thought about in years who..."

BWWWARAAAAAA!!!

"Stupid, piece of junk."

© Greg Schiller, 2008
Author: Greg Schiller