Top Ten WORST Christmas Gifts - #4

A gift is given with good intentions and meant to bring joy and happiness to the one who receives your token of admiration.  There's a greeting card company that uses the line, 'when you care enough to give the very best'.  When it comes to Christmas presents, there should be an addendum to that line...'or don't bother giving anything at all.' We mean to do well, but it doesn't always come ou that way and you have the other person wondering, 'What the hell am I going to do with this?  I sure hope there's someone I can find who will use it...or it's all going to waste.'  Thank you, but something like this, I'd rather pick up for myself.  You don't know the right colors or the conditions I face using things like this. 

Occassionally, a gal is guilty, but they've got a much better clue as to what's going on in this department.  This one is meant mostly for the men...again.  Isn't she lovely...the way she takes care of herself and the way she makes herself up?  Don't you wish you could be like her and look so good with the pat of a trowel and pass of a paintbrush?  Makeup is not a man's world.  Guys just don't understand it takes three layers of spackle and four shades of color to pull it off...and they all have to be put on the proper way or the shades just won't blend in well.  They don't just pinch their cheeks like grammy used to in orde to get that healthy, rosy glow. It takes practice...lots of practice...along with some trial and error to see what works best.  You can ask for red lipstick and a store has it... around one hundred different shades.  An eyebrow pencil is just an eyebrow pencil...as is eye liner, too.  There's blush and foundation and a ton of other products to make them look picture perfect.  There's a ton of work involved to make them look the way they do...not just running a washcloth over their face to wake them up and get them started for the day.  Out of all the makeups a lady uses, there's one they're very picky about on our list of WORST Christmas presents to get the one you love...

#5 - Mascara - Something so small is extremely important to the way a woman puts on her puss.  The color has to be just right, the brush has to be just so, it can't clump and has to go on smooth.  They've tried various brands and techniques to get just the right look.  The eyes are the window to the soul and they want their eyes to reflect heaven when you look into them.  They don't want to hear you've got a big glop of black goop in the corner of your eye.  The lashes are supposed to separate and become long and luxurious...like they're wearing fake ones.  Oh, I was born with these...and enhanced by Maybelline. You didn't get me Cover Girl...you got me 'Cover Up'...cover my head and run to the nearest bathroom to touch things up because my eyes look like a mess with what you got for me.  Guys, just forget makeup altogether.  You can't win and will always come home with the wrong kind.  The eyes on the package may look hot, but your lady isn't the model they used and here eyes are totally different.  You've got to let the gals do their own thing when it comes to putting on a face.  Like with perfume smelling good to you but she hates it; the same goes for mascara. It may look appealing to you, but she'll end up looking like the Acid Queen from the rock opera, Tommy, if she wears what you got her.  Stick with picking out the color of your pick up truck, because your taste in makeup stinks. No mascara for Christmas!

Get the idea yet, guys?  Somethings are just better off left up to a woman's taste...especially when it has all to do with being a woman; something you have no experience with whatsoever.  Alright, well maybe a few of the guys I know do, but even the vast majority of gay men don't do makeup right.  I could show you some drag queens to prove that very point.  Not all of us inherited that 'girlie gene' with our sexuality.  Do yourself a favor, men, stick with the old tried and trust presents rather than be adventureous in some areas...lest your gift becomes one of the worst of all time.