The family had come from all corners of the country
for they had dispersed since they could not stand being around each other.
And here they were now, four generations of people,
each single person among them thinking themselves better than everyone else.
See, for one day a year these enemies bound by blood meet,
but it's never the same place twice.
And this year, having exhausted the list of possibilities of places that would put up with
their shinanegans, they found a brand new place, all of their own.
They had purchased a boat; their own luxury liner.
How they affforded this, well, that's better left unsaid.
And they all got together for a nice long sail,
thinking it would be the most wonderful Thanksgiving ever.
They sailed far away from the shore to an area that was perfect -
until man dared to set his violating foot, that is.
The meal was stupendous, fantastic, extraordinary!
There was the cranberry sauce and the cassarole.
Then there were all the wines, pies, and the cakes, and the cornucopia
of corn and broccoli and dozens more foods.
But they were so busy eating, and cheating each other out of food,
that nobody noticed that two men were missing.
These two men, cousins Martin and Levi,
were always trying to play the one-upmanship game.
And they continued this game, both heavily emboldened by wine
and angrier already over who had the prettier, more controllable wife.
As it was, they also argued, between bites of food each knew the other wanted,
about who should be steering the ship.
Not that either of them knew how to steer, mind you. Only one woman aboard did,
and she went to eat dinner, expecting the ship to remain becalmed without her.
Not so with Martin and Levi, alas, for they drove the ship like Mr. Magoo.
Levi ignored the dangers and drove right into rocks, but Martin's hostile takeover
and attempts to put the ship in reverse were its death knell.
And as the ship sank, the diners did not even notice.
They were so busy gorging themselves and hating each other, not a one among them
had enough sense to notice that something was wrong until the ocean came in
to join their Thanksgiving feast.
Only then did these people walk out, trampling each other,
and only after rescuing all their favorite foods.
They scurried to the lifeboats, pushing each other off into the water
until there were no more lifeboats that were fit for using at all.
Then they raced against each other to get to a shore they all believed only
they could reach, and the others would all have to sink or swim . . .
So they gathered in the water, having come to the discovery
that Thanksgiving is a day to be shared, not compete.
There was plenty of food to be found for them all,
so the sharks stopped their quarreling and had a great feast.
They ate all their fill, and they ate every morsel.
The family, so busy in hate with each other, never even noticed
that the sharks were coming to join in the feast.
But what can you expect from a ship full of figurative turkeys?