I know I took a long sabbatical from writing, but I had a lot of stuff going on that I was dealing with, still trying to comes to terms with. My boyfriend's death, which I talked about a little on here, was a major shock and I still feel his loss every day. We had a difficult relationship, which makes processing how he died that much harder. It gets easier as time moves on, as it has been two years since all of this has happened. But I do not feel completely healed from everything yet. Time heals all wounds right? Give it more time I suppose.
Then there was my family drama back home. I went back home for a while. My mom got sick with cancer, and still she is affected by it. We had been fighting a lot. I love my mother, but many times she was very cold to me, and it was really incredibly hurtful. I tried to have an honest discussion about my feelings of grief over my boyfriend's death, and some of the awful things that had happened between us. Her only response was not that of sympathy, but told me to go the mental health center, like she couldn't be bothered to show empathy. After another argument, she had told me I deserved everything that he had said to me, and I was so shocked I found myself physically ill from her comments. (And I can't even begin to discuss my sister's drama right now.)
Thus, I moved back to Illinois to get my life back on track. It's so frustrating when I cannot get my family to understand that my point of view is legitimate, and that my needs are just as important as theirs. It isn't easy for me to do, because I tend to be a people pleaser and do what's best for everyone else. Besides that, I've been doing a lot of family research and looking for work, which is a full time job in and of itself. But Gather means so much to me and all of the friends I have made on here mean a lot to me to, so I wanted to write an explanation of my absence and that I will be going to be writing more of my poetry, reviews, genealogy stuff on here in the future.
Here's to reconnecting with everyone again!