I just read a report from Today.com about "you're not invited" alerts. Apparently, since people are using social networks like Facebook to issue invitations to weddings, the budget conscious are sending these "you're not invited" notes to people they don't wish to include. People who receive them react with disappointment or anger. Big surprise there. Even if I didn't want to go and had no intentions to go, this would anger me.
I've had several family weddings where I didn't receive an invitation. It was just assumed I'd be there. I teased my niece about crashing her first wedding. Other family weddings, like my uncle's last wedding, he invited his brothers but none of their children. That wasn't a hardship. I'd have gone if invited, but didn't mind not being included.
Then I think about my mother's wedding. She wanted a simple wedding with two witnesses. While telling her to do what she wanted, I admitted I minded not being invited. She invited her brothers, sister and children. At least one relative by marriage brought her daughter and mother, too, people my mother didn't know well and would never have invited. I can understand wanting to keep your wedding small or to just the people you want to invite.
Still, I feel like these "you're not invited" notes are just rude. Whether it is sent by the wedding planner or the bride or groom, it seems like a slap in the face. If you don't want everyone to come, don't invite people with a mass message on your social network. All the ones I've seen have ways to contact friends with messages not everyone sees. Angering groups of people before your wedding doesn't seem like a good way to start a marriage.
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Comments: 15
That's the same family that has invited as many as 7 extra people each to Mother's house, without bothering to tell her in advance. So I guess it should be expected.
People frequently bring an extra person or two, but that each kid brought 7 seemed way out of line to me.
If the invitation is addressed to Name & guest, it means one guest. I gather that is the reason for the change to "Name Plus One". A friend actually did bring three people to my wedding even though his invitation said "and guest" singular.
On the other hand, my son & his wife wanted to have a simple exchange of vows privately, with only immediate family present. They more or less had a pot luck reception because they believe it's silly to spend so much when it could be used for something practical, so there wasn't anything to help with. That made it extra important to be able to hear the vows. Although she was very nice about informing everyone that only close family was invited, so many members of her family threw such a fit they cancelled the whole thing--no one was allowed. It broke my heart.
It's a wedding for God sakes, is it so hard to understand that people care, & want to be there, or to be respectful enough not to bring everybody & their brother without having to be told not to? I agree that the notices are really rude, but I also have to wonder if they're in response to anticipated rudeness from guests--real or not? Either way, it's selfish & unnecessary.
On the other hand, after a cousin's wedding, she asked why I hadn't come. I hadn't received an invitation. She assumed sending my mother an invitation addressed to "and family" would include married with children me and my married with children brother. My mother hadn't noticed the family on the invitation and probably would only have wondered about it.
Invitations are tricky. My daughter-in-law went round & round with a friend who insisted it was just wrong not to send one--what about directions? How will I know who's invited? On & on! She finally wrote the date & address on a blank piece of paper & mailed it to her, LOL. You're so right, I just don't understand why people can't respect t he couple's wishes, even if it hurts. Tough decisions have to be made sometimes.
Thank you for posting to ~50~Views~R~US~