Today's Humor

NOMINATED THE BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States ..

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you

Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food

stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such

a beautiful country here in America ."

The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops,

shakes his hand, and says,

"Thank you for wonderful America !

That person puts up his hand and says,

"I am from Middle East .

I am not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks,

"Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Africa ."

Puzzled, he asks her,

"Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says,

"Probably at work."

***********

Last Thursday Night Around Midnight, A Woman From Houston, Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse. ~

The following Monday morning, the woman was called in front of the arraignment Judge, sworn-in, and asked to explain her actions.

The woman replied, "I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home after work. I am a waitress at a local cafe. I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol in my purse hanging on my left shoulder. All of a sudden I was spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away with my purse. I looked down at my right hand and saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol. The next thing I remember is saying out loud, "No Way Punk! You're not stealing my pay check and tips." I raised my right hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and started squeezing the trigger of my pistol!

When asked by the arraignment judge, "Why did you shoot the man 6 times?

The woman replied under oath, "Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click."

The woman was acquitted of all charges. She was back at work the next day!

That's Gun Control Texas Style

A TRUE STORY FROM... " THE HOUSTON HERALD " HOUSTON, TEXAS