Genre Shorties Wk 138: Love On a Carousel

“Can you assist me with my mobile armoire?” Susie batted her flirty fringes, thick as a German forest. “Its mass per unit size is approximately ten to one.” The  Debutante Daily had written that to attract a pecunious hominid, one must  feign incapacitation at the gathering site of the great winged inanimate beasts, and seal the deal by sounding intelligent.

“Excuse me?”  Peter stepped back.

“Alas! My mobile armoire is out of reach in its circuitous route.” Wrapping a tentacle around his brachium, she pouted with her scarlet-painted orifice . “Inform me of your personal appellation! Then you may escort me to the street of multiple-wheeled conveyances-for-hire.” She batted her flirty fringes.

“What?” Peter barked. “Sorry…my wife…other side of the terminal...bye!” He bolted.

Susie once again extended her scarlet-painted orifice in an outward direction. Her visage then emitted 32,000 lumens. “Sir, please assist me with my mobile armoire?”

Liz Husebye Hartmann   (150 words)

Tracy Fabre's Prompt:   I just read an article by Mark O'Connell about whether Amanda McKittrick Ros was the worst novelist in history and was amused (and/or horrified) by this passage:

One thing that is clear about Ros’ prose is its aversion to calling a thing by its name. Eyes are “globes of glare.” When their owners are unhappy, these globes are “stuffed with sorrow.” Trousers are not trousers; they are “the southern necessary.”

Please describe a person or object without naming it specifically--
"globes of glare," NOT "eyes"
"square slice of baked wheat," NOT "bread"
"metal traveling contraption," NOT "car"

Here are some completely optional suggestions to (NOT) use ~

eyes
eggs
armadillo (hey... I hardly EVER mention them anymore)
suitcase
spaghetti
computer
bed

And because you'll need more words to play with, you can go up to 150! GO!!