Her Poetry Sucked

She was frail, and lithe and wan--
Most delicate thing I'd laid eyes on.
I'd have killed to possess her by usufruct--
Except for one thing: her poetry sucked.

She had silver threads among the gold
that suggested loves once young, now old.
I'd have fallen for her like a loaded dump truck--
Except for one thing: her poetry sucked.

"Please read this for me, and see what you think,"
She said as she passed me her paper and ink.
"I'm not sure it works," she modestly clucked.
I had to agree: her poetry sucked.

I scanned her lines--it was clear she had not.
I tried to make sense of what she had wrought.
"It's . . . different," I said, as her hair she plucked.
I concealed my conclusion: her poetry sucked.

I found myself poetically unstimulated,
but I was aroused, and so I dissimulated.
You see, in order for me to get . . . uh, laid
I couldn't have told her: her poetry sucked.

Comments: 18

Barbara H. Jan 31, 2013, 8:51am UTC

ha!ha!...what did MOM say? if you can't say something nice.............I enoy your writng!

Con Chapman Jan 31, 2013, 9:02am UTC

Barbara--thanks. My mom used to say that too, but I prefer what Alice Roosevelt Longworth said: "If you can't say anything nice--sit next to me."

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Angela A. Jan 31, 2013, 9:26am UTC

A little white lie never hurt anyone. ;)

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Tracy Fabre Jan 31, 2013, 9:31am UTC

My dear, I would love you
but can't, 'cuz your writing
Reminds me of death
only much less exciting.

Con Chapman Jan 31, 2013, 9:36am UTC

Every line she wrote, every word she uttered
Was as fleet as a turtle in a gallon of peanut butter.

Tracy Fabre Jan 31, 2013, 11:01am UTC

That's it. I'm nominating you for a poetry prize. I just have to figure which one.

Con Chapman Jan 31, 2013, 11:32am UTC

There's only one I want. The Mark Twain Award given by the Poetry Foundation. I subscribe to Poets & Writers and some of the prizes are like a one-month fellowship in central Michigan, raising the question: is the second prize a two-month fellowship in central Michigan?

Tracy Fabre Jan 31, 2013, 10:43pm UTC

No no -- it's a three-month stay in Hibbing, Minnesota from December through February.

The nice season.

Con Chapman Feb 1, 2013, 5:24am UTC

Before the black fllies arrive. Be sure to visit the Bob Dylan, Kevin McHale AND Gary Puckett & the Union Gap museums!

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Kevin E. Jan 31, 2013, 9:52pm UTC

This is incredibly funny, maybe she sings well?

Con Chapman Feb 1, 2013, 5:21am UTC

Or as 1 of my high school teachers once said, "Well if you can't do algebra, maybe you can wash dishes."

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sarah leanne Feb 1, 2013, 9:35am UTC

Funny and relentless as John Donnes "The Flea"

Con Chapman Feb 1, 2013, 9:46am UTC

I'll have to look that one up.

sarah leanne Feb 1, 2013, 10:17am UTC

I will find you something so you dont have to loook..
Ahh here is the basic summary..(Donne uses strategies as you did..but he had more of romantic words LOL)

The speaker notices a flea and points it out to the woman he loves. The flea has bitten them both, and now their blood is mixed inside the flea. He says that no one would consider it a sin or shameful for their bodily fluids to mix inside a bug, so why don't they just swap fluids in bed?

Con Chapman Feb 1, 2013, 10:20am UTC

Somehow that doesn't strike me as a great opening line. I know the Robert Burns poem in which he's sitting behind a woman in church and notices a louse in her hair--another great insect poem.

sarah leanne Feb 1, 2013, 11:15am UTC

Did you read it yet? I will send it to you by message if you want.

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Granny Janny Feb 1, 2013, 9:53am UTC

You can sit next to me anytime but I won't show you my poems. Featured for Fun on Poet's Weekly Muse.

Con Chapman Feb 1, 2013, 10:21am UTC

I only reveal my poems in the privacy of the internet too.

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Her Poetry Sucked

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Comments: 18

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