At Gerbil Interactive Media (â€œweâ€, â€œusâ€ or â€œGerbilâ€), we value the privacy ofÂ people like you (a â€œMemberâ€, â€œyouâ€ or â€œyou allâ€ if you are a Member of NASCAR Lovers, one of many groups available on Gerbil.com).Â
What This Policy Covers
This Policy covers what we do, not what other people or companies who are not under our control do.Â We can barely control ourselves, especially when Lurleen the floater secretary is assigned to us.Â If Lurleen were an apartment building in Honolulu, her deck would be referred to as a â€œlanai.â€
Information We Collect About You
When you register with us, we collect information about your motherâ€™s maiden name, how many men she had sex with before she was married, and the names of your pets in case you try to fraudulently redeem Gerbil Points and we have to send you a threatening email at workÂ along the lines ofÂ â€If you ever want to see Fluffy alive again, youâ€™d betterÂ reverse your bogus contribution of $20 in Gerbil Points to KMVU-FM, the official radio station of Missouri Valley University.â€
What We Do With It
We are tempted to say that it is none of your damn business what we do with your information but the people in legalÂ tell usÂ we canâ€™t.Â Frankly,Â we donâ€™t give a ratâ€™s patootie what the lawyersÂ think.Â All they ever do is stand around the potato salad at the company picnicÂ and worry about salmonella,Â and they wonâ€™t let you take your beer into the outfield when youâ€™re playing softball.
Access By Others
Once you register with Gerbil, you are not anonymous to users of our Service, such as our advertisers, who may obtain your credit card information, your social security number, the names of your favorite recording artists (including, without limitation, Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs) and any â€œflipâ€ comments you made in response to the question â€œOn Gerbil Iâ€™m Looking Forâ€“â€.
What We Use the Information For
We use information about you to apply for credit cards and then take fun vacations, but only to locations in the continental U.S.Â We agree not to charge you for first-class airfare without your express, prior written approval, which you consent to in advance when you agree to our â€œTerms of Service.â€
We do not rent, sell or otherwise disseminate information about you to others, but we may share it with trusted partners like your no-good ex-husband who wants to know why heâ€™s paying alimonyÂ when youâ€™re flirting with guys in the â€œTanning Salon Addictsâ€ group.
If you eat Cookies while using our Service, you may get crumbs in your keyboard, slowing your access to our Service and restricting your ability to squeeze between your desk and Lurleenâ€™s unless you really suck in your gut, which isnâ€™t going to fool her for a minute.
Changes to this Policy
We may update and change this Policy anytime andÂ from time to timeâ€“time after time, I tell myself that Iâ€™m, so lucky to be loved byâ€“sorry, we got carried away.Â We will notify you promptly after making any such change, unless we deem it to be minor, insignificant, immaterial or we find out that you gave us a â€œ1â€³ rating on any picture we post of Fritzi, our Schnauzer.