I'm feeling... tired.
It's been sort of a rough past few days, and while parts of the weekend were a lot of fun, and I've tried to keep a positive outlook, it isn't always the easiest task.
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so against rocking the boat. But at the end of the day, I don't want to casuse confrontation, or annoy people, or whatever, so I just stay quiet. Usually, it's fine, because it just translates into a life with less stressful drama.
But sometimes, instead, it ends up that I have to sort of pretend to be nicer than I'm feeling-- like in the case at the barn. It's not as though you can really say, "Hi, I'm feeling some contempt for you right now because of how you act." But sometimes, I sure wish I could say just that. Or, at least, to yell "GROW UP!"
And sometimes, in situations with people I care about, I wish I wasn't so quick to dole out assurances. "Oh, no, I totally understand that. Makes total sense!" comes out of my mouth, when really what I feel is, "Oh. While I can kind of understand part of that, it also makes me feel overlooked and worthless."
I try to be the calm and easygoing one that doesn't cause problems for others. I know that's part of why some of my friends value me. Normally, it really does work out great.
But on days like today, when I'm feeling stung and sad, it sucks.