Meh

I'm feeling... tired.

It's been sort of a rough past few days, and while parts of the weekend were a lot of fun, and I've tried to keep a positive outlook, it isn't always the easiest task.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so against rocking the boat. But at the end of the day, I don't want to casuse confrontation, or annoy people, or whatever, so I just stay quiet. Usually, it's fine, because it just translates into a life with less stressful drama.

But sometimes, instead, it ends up that I have to sort of pretend to be nicer than I'm feeling-- like in the case at the barn. It's not as though you can really say, "Hi, I'm feeling some contempt for you right now because of how you act." But sometimes, I sure wish I could say just that. Or, at least, to yell "GROW UP!"

And sometimes, in situations with people I care about, I wish I wasn't so quick to dole out assurances. "Oh, no, I totally understand that. Makes total sense!" comes out of my mouth, when really what I feel is, "Oh. While I can kind of understand part of that, it also makes me feel overlooked and worthless."

I try to be the calm and easygoing one that doesn't cause problems for others. I know that's part of why some of my friends value me. Normally, it really does work out great.

But on days like today, when I'm feeling stung and sad, it sucks.

Comments: 13

William M. Jan 20, 2013, 5:10pm UTC

I hope the feeling passes quickly. It is a bad feeling to have.

reply to this comment

Karen E. Jan 20, 2013, 6:23pm UTC

I think many of us feel and do as you. I keep my mouth shut most times, but it still eats me up inside...

reply to this comment

Nancy S. Jan 20, 2013, 8:06pm UTC

I used to be that shy about speaking up too but not anymore. I try not to be mean but I still let them know what I'm thinking. I feel much better for it.

reply to this comment

Sassy *bacon makes me happy* Cat Jan 21, 2013, 2:14am UTC

My big mouth has gotten me into trouble since I was a kid. I doubt I'll ever change, but I think I've toned it down a little. Sometimes, when a person does speak up, the other person takes it much worse than how the words were intended. And a lot of people never forget or forgive. So I guess ya gotta consider what type of consequences would result from really blasting them with what you are truly thinking.

Sassy *bacon makes me happy* Cat Jan 21, 2013, 2:17am UTC

And there are those people who use inuendo (An allusive or oblique remark or hint, typically a suggestive or disparaging one). That is what really p*sses me off, because you're 75% sure of what they mean, but there is that possibility that they just happened to say something that sounded like you took their meaning wrong, and then, when you bring that to their attention, they act all innocent. I'd like to kick those arrogant p*ssants in their butts.

Tory H. Jan 21, 2013, 10:21am UTC

Hah, yeah.

And that's exactly it debating whether it's worth it to say anything versus not. Also, if something upsets me, I end up waffling back and forth in my head about whether or not I have any right to be upset, if I'm making a big deal over something that shouldn't be, etc etc... and then I also spend too much time thinking things like "well, we each have our priorities, and some are different" and so on.

But at the end of the day, it's like, well, yep, I'm sad about this, and I just mostly end up not knowing whether it's worth it to say anything at all. Blarg.

Sassy *bacon makes me happy* Cat Jan 21, 2013, 11:44pm UTC

I guess you have to figure if what you want to tell them is actually going to change anything (other than making them mad at you). If it is not going to alter their behavior that you are upset about, then it might be better not to speak up.

I know what you mean about "making a big deal over something that shouldn't be". I often wonder about if I'm too sensitive on some topics. It is hard to let something go and keep the subject to yourself when you feel passionate about it.

Tory H. Jan 22, 2013, 12:29pm UTC

Yeah, definitely. I think that's maybe the worst part-- wondering if you're being "too sensitive" or if you have a right to be or if blah blah blah, to the point where you just want to yell "DUMB BRAIN FIGURE IT OUT!"

Or, at least, that's where I am sometimes, haha...

Sassy *bacon makes me happy* Cat Jan 22, 2013, 6:46pm UTC

I tell myself to "get over it!", but I don't listen very well. Only the passage of time makes it fade away. Or I try to tell myself, that "in the big scheme of things, what is making you p*ssed off really is not that important". That doesn't work either.