I came across a post about the relationship between “tolerance†and “the truth†that I wanted to address (Rich Deem, 2006). Although the author has a decent perspective on what makes Christianity unique, but he has a far overblown concept of his own perception of the truth, and thus an inaccurate rendering of Jesus activity 2000 years ago. Because he is more Pharisaical himself than faithful, I'm not surprised at his difficulty: just as the Pharisees at the time had difficulty Jesus even then. But because I see this line of thinking replicated in many places in our modern faith, I thought I would review it.
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The Christian is most often claimed to be "intolerant" when he refuses to accept and speaks out against "alternative lifestyles," such as cohabitation or homosexual behavior. Again, this is an improper use of the word "intolerant." Tolerance does not require acceptance of all ideas as being true, but merely a willingness to hear alternative beliefs. Those who say that Christians should not express their beliefs are actually the ones who are being intolerant, since they are unwilling to grant equal freedom of expression to Christian beliefs. An interesting argument... but totally inaccurate. I am personally willing to listen to many arguments about the “sinfulness†of same-sex relationships, and have done for hours... until I'm able to repeat them back almost word for word. But I am rarely given the same respect: I am usually cut off quickly by those who disagree, and have never been convinced that people are actually listening to me when I run through my arguments. They've been convinced that I'm wrong before I start. Rarely can they actually repeat any part of my argument back to me. It's too scary for them to really consider something that would threaten their world view. Beyond that: it is not the simple discussion that is the worst of being intolerant. It's the use of those ideas and those words to legislate their beliefs on others that I think defines intolerance. It's forcing morality on those who don't agree something is immoral that is intolerant. I have lots of friends who believe that I am and was wrong when I married my husband. I know that. Many of them get over it and love us anyway: that is not intolerant. Voting to make my marriage illegal: that is intolerant.
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"Christians are intolerant because they try to tell other people what to do and what to believe," is a common complaint from those who have been witnessed to by a zealous Christian. Although the actions of Christians are often interpreted as intolerance, the primary reason why Christians are seen as intolerant is because the perceived, politically-correct definition of tolerance has changed over the years. This shift in word-meaning might be true (and definitions of words are always “correctâ€, even if they change: they are defined in their usage by societies, not by single people... ), but it is not really relevant to the discussion. The very fact that he relies on his definition from “circa 1735†illustrates how out of date he and his ideas are.
What is the difference between tolerance and acceptance?
“Acceptance†implies a change of mind, which leads to a parallel change in behaviour. “Accepting†that homosexuality is not a sin changes a person's voting behaviour when asked about a constitutional amendment to ban the practise. “Tolerance†implies that one's mind has not been changed, but that the subject is not sufficiently important to justify a particular action. From the outside perspective, tolerance and acceptance cannot be distinguished. It is only in exploring the roots of one's beliefs that this becomes obvious. “Tolerating†homosexuality means that you still believe it is a sin: but that it is more important to you that your gay friends be happy and have the protection of the law in their relationship, so your voting still changes. It's a matter of priorities.
One of my best friends is excellent at tolerating me. We were very close in Bible College; she was the maid of honour in my first marriage (to my wife). She has very strong, Biblical beliefs. When my husband and I visit, she does a wonderful job of accepting us and tolerating our relationship. Once I asked her about what she thought about our marriage: she said she looked at it as parallel to the sin of gluttony, something oh-so-common in the Western world, which is hardly even remarked on any more. She still sees it as a sin, but she regards our relationship as much more important.
“You understand that I don't see it the same as you do,†I remember remarking. “I do not believe I'm sinning in this.†And she looked at me quizzically.
“Of course. If you did, then I would say something.â€
There is a part of me that understands the reason that many Christians are so intolerant about same-sex sexuality. I'm not an idiot; I can read the NIV translation of the New Testament. But I disagree. Those who won't let me disagree and who force their beliefs on me: they are intolerant.
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Real tolerance is deference to all ideas, not indifference to the truth. Although this sounds true and worthy of respect, it is precisely where the problem lies. The way it's expressed here, the line between “ideas†that can be tolerated and “truth†that must be defended sounds to be hard and fast. But it is not. Mr. Deem uses the Bible as his source of Truth (capital “Tâ€) and beyond that, his interpretation of the Bible. He sees his interpretation of Scripture as being so important to his self-respect that he is willing sacrifice others' happiness, freedom and self-expression on the altar of his perspective. He is not even willing to acknowledge that others might possibly be justified in their actions. Locking one's perspective in a single direction and refusing to move: that is intolerant.
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Comments: 15
I'll be back to read the comments on this one.
There are many levels of tolerance, acceptance and intolerance. Just because someone is "intolerant" of something does not mean it's bad. I'm intolerant of murder and shoplifting... and, myself, personally: of greed and pollution. My latest "intolerance" is plastic. I am still friends with lots of people who use throwaway plastic: I still do it myself because it's convenient. But I don't believe it's right, and if/when asked I would vote against using it. (Toronto recently considered a ban on plastic bags, which I agree with.)
I attended a church for two years that claimed complete acceptance of every perspective. But the one thing I learned in that time is that they did not accept my more conservative beliefs. They were just as intolerant of me as others were of them. (You'd think they'd have learned???)
Interesting view. You already know my feelings on such things in that I'm a lot like the friend you mention. I too view it as a sin on the same level as gluttony, and sex outside of marriage, but since no human is answerable to me, that issue is between them and God. I leave myself out.
A very close friend doesn't know that I know that he's a homosexual. I found out accidentally. I'm not going to tell him. Whenever (if ever) he feels like, then I'll let him know.
I have a niece who is homosexual. Didn't know how I'd have reacted to such a situation until I heard that news. I love her just the same.
How about my tolerating them having their sexual partners around me and the displaying of affection between them? I'd probably not since I am very uncomfortable when my unmarried heterosexual relatives display affection to their sexual partners. It must be obvious on my face because they don't do it around me :-D
There was a time when we were happy to be toerated, a the most basic level: at least we weren't being thrown in jail (or stoned). I agree that I would rather be accepted and to have my marriage accepted at the same level as others. And in Canada, legally we are... even if not socially. Then again, in the South of the U.S. inter-racial marriages are not fully accepted socially. It takes time.
As previously mentioned, I do appreciate your tolerance, Dennis. Tolerance is a wide spectrum, blurring from Fred Phelps like hatred on one side (complete intolerance) to acceptance and empathy (complete tolerance) on the other. Perhaps that is a good way to accept it. Somwhere on that spectrum is the "tolerance" I describe above.
If we believe that people are born with a sexual orientation, how can we not accept them as they were created? How is it a sin? Could I be a sinner just because I was born with blue eyes that turned green later? I don't think so. Some things we can't change and shouldn't try.
As for tolerating sin, I am blessed to have friends and family who put up with me. I have a close friend who has had two abortions. I consider abortion sinful, but I don't love my friend any less because she chose that action. I think I love her more because she's hurting and needs more love and understanding. She and my kids are crazy about each other.
That being said, I am very intolerant. To the point of sinning to a very harsh degree. I opened my house up to a young woman and her 12 year old child. The child took scissors and cut my couch, went through my cd covers and removed most of the cd's for herself, stole from my jewelry box among other delinquent behaviors.
I told them to leave. I was very intolerant of the child's behavior. Shouldn't I have shown them more compassion and love? Maybe nurturing their broken soul back to health?
I don't know. It is a hard world to figure out.
Of the people in her life, very few would have the capacity to "nurture [her]broken soul back to health". Yes, if you feel that you would have had that capacity, then I would have challenged you to consider it. But not necessarily to do so. To not do so is not, directly, sinful. (I hope that double negative wasn't confusing.) It depends on the circumstances. It is hard to figure out. And sometimes we can't. But it is important that you are emotionally healthy enough to do this before embarking on a long-term voyage such as the you would have. It is not done lightly.
I personally don't feel responsible for her. I have repented and moved on. But, I still wonder what would have happened if I chose differently. And now I try to make better choices in relationships to work it out instead of cut and run when things get difficult.
I often speak about the verse in Matthew 5:39, which says, "but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also". This means we are to forgive mistreatment, yes: but it never says to forget it. If a woman is being abused by her husband, she should get out of there. There are many examples. We need to forgive them and not hate them: but knowing that they are not trustworthy, treating them with trust is not necessary.
It does get difficult, and I think that moving on was the best thing you could do. If and when you feel stronger in this regard, you might be able to return: but you must be able to do so from a whole self.