As you know, the Mayans said the world will end tomorrow, and like everybody else, they blame Bush.
Jay Leno
Even with the apocalypse there is always something good. There’s always a silver lining. For example, The Mayan apocalypse will put an end to those commercials where a crazy lady talks to strangers about her colon.
David Letterman
There’s a photo going around with President Obama playing with a staffer’s son who’s dressed as Spider-Man. Obama was like, ‘Shouldn’t you be fighting the Green Goblin?’ And the kid was like, ‘shouldn’t you be working on the fiscal cliff?’
Jimmy Fallon
I’m sure the new movies are good, but I’m upset there are no real Christmas movies. Like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ where Jimmy Stewart finds himself in a world where no one can see him. It’s like nobody’s aware of his existence. I know that feeling.
Craig Ferguson




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