When my children were young, I was very careful about what I wanted to teach them with my actions. If I said something, I had to do it. I think I avoided all those problems. My kids knew that "Maybe" meant I needed to think about how to accomplish something, for example.
So that makes it even worse that I let my childish behavior back me into the corner with a friend. I even know that false pride is keeping me from doing what I should. Certainly at my age I should act like a grown-up.
In early December I had problems with my cell phone. I don't have a land line, so I just switch to my son's phone. While he gripes, he very rarely uses it and didn't leave the house during this time without me. I didn't call my friend or my ex since both of them have experienced this several times, including just about a week before.
Here's where the childish acts began. I had posted something on my Facebook page at Halloween that I wanted my friend to see. I mentioned it a few times during November, then told her I was mad at her for not looking at my Facebook page. I said it in a joking way, but I was bothered she hadn't taken the 5 minutes to view in over six weeks. She lives alone and has 3 days a week off work.
I decided I wasn't going to call her until she viewed my Facebook. Realistically, I figured it wouldn't take much time for her to call the substitute number or send me a Facebook message. Shoot, even my ex finally remembered to call our son's number after a week. Since my cell phone wasn't working and I've never figured out how to do the remote access to my voicemail, I assumed she was calling that number.
Childish behavior continued when I temporarily fixed my cell phone. I checked the messages and only had two from her. My feelings are hurt that she hasn't called me or even tried to contact me at Christmas time. I'm normally an objective person, so I understand how petty and infantile I'm behaving. I know I need to just pick up my substitute cell phone and call her.
The truth is I don't want to admit I've been such a brat. I won't lie or make an excuse, because there really isn't one. I tell myself that my pettiness isn't worth losing or even harming a 36 year friendship, but I'm not listening to my words of wisdom.
Maybe my New Year's resolution will have to be to grow up.