Binary system.

Our young planets escaped our gravity

Gifts to the galaxy, swarming with life

Our kinetic dance rendered more simple

But the basic stability remains

We were never willing to complicate

Our movement with an interloping star

We thereby avoided the consequence-

Separate voyages in empty space

Hydrogen melts; heavier elements

Replace it; the nuclear fires remain

Yet entropy remains our enemy

Time passes; death comes even to a star

So shall we die together, two cinders

Crossing endless void in stable orbit

Comments: 11

Chris Wiegard Nov 18, 2012, 9:03am UTC

The form is obviously the sonnet- fourteen lines, each with ten syllables. it's what we call a lazy man sonnet, as I was not willing to try for a rhyme. :)

David K. Nov 18, 2012, 9:04am UTC

Very interesting. Poetry is something I never mastered (or understood).

Chris Wiegard Nov 18, 2012, 9:26am UTC

Thanks for recommending, David. I look forward to your discussion of "Lincoln." I have not yet seen it.

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 19, 2012, 1:39am UTC

I believe a sonnet is more than simply 14 lines. Yes, you did admit there is rhyme also and covered your work with a lazy-man's sonnet.

I accept it on that basis.

But a sonnet also has a volta, a turn after line eight so that there is one mood existing in the octet and a second mood or thought or even a countercheck in the sestet.

Further, a sonnet struggles with two contrasting states/emotions. I'm not sure you've shown us that.

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 19, 2012, 1:40am UTC

However, Chris, my comment above sounds pretty snotty. I apologize. I've allowed my other work to carry over into comments!

tsk tsk

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 19, 2012, 1:41am UTC

I happened to enjoy your poem here very much. I like to learn from both content and style and yours provided plenty of learning opportunities.

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 19, 2012, 1:47am UTC

And finally, I am no doubt, a dope. There is much more to this poem than meets the eye or ear.

reply to this comment

Hyper Intellect Nov 18, 2012, 11:10am UTC

About the time Disney bought Lucasfilm, they announced more Star Wars movies will be created. I am pleased to see this event inspired you to create a sonnet about The Death Star. Kewl!

Chris Wiegard Nov 18, 2012, 11:27am UTC

Ha ha, Hyper, not exactly but very droll! Yes, I look forward to the Disney effort. could be better. Could not be much worse...

reply to this comment

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Nov 19, 2012, 1:42am UTC

Appearing at Mindful Poetry.

reply to this comment

Chris Wiegard Nov 19, 2012, 8:33am UTC

It's a bit obscure to some readers I imagine. it's just an extended metaphor which looks at a marriage (mine) as two stars orbiting each other.

reply to this comment

Binary system.

4 people recommend this post

Comments: 11

Join the Conversation