Why I Write FWE MWD

Preface

“You don’t just say one day,… ‘Now I’m a writer.’”

“Hannah” (Mia Farrow) in Hannah and Her Sisters.

This is my third book.  I’m pretty sure it’s the longest of the three.  It’s a monument to 40 years of psychotherapy.  I would like to acknowledge Russell Freeland, Margaret Stulbarg, Donna Johns, Ernie Johnson, Peter Roehrig, Etta Martin, and every other counselor who has ever given me talk therapy.

In 1999, I wrote a book of poetry, The Caterpillar, and self-published exactly four copies.  One day, a denizen of an online writers’ workshop I was involved in suggested I needed a high colonic.  Shortly thereafter, I stopped writing poetry and didn’t write another poem for 10 years.  I did, however, continue to write songs with funny lyrics.

Early in 2011, I started keeping a notebook of anecdotes, quotes, gags, and twisted aphorisms.  I pulled them together into a really thin book called The Depressed Guy’s Book of Wisdom. After that book was published by Chipmunka Publishing, London, God bless them, I decided to try my hand at writing stories.  These are them.  (I also started writing poetry again.)

So now I’m a writer.  There, I said it.

This book is dedicated to my wife and muse, Carol Holden, and to my heroes, Woody Allen, Elaine May, Lewis Black, Steve Martin, and Kurt Vonnegut.

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This is the preface to my third book, The Depressed Detective and The Case of Boston Baked Beans, and Other Stories.  I just got done revising and expanding and formatting it to submit to the University of Iowa Press short story book competition.  Except for a couple of the longest pieces, every one of the 24 stories originally appeared on Gather.  I owe a great debt to the people who have encouraged me here.

In its present form, in ms. format, it's almost 190 pages.  I was struck by the sight of the pile of paper it made on my coffee table, printed out double-spaced and single-sided.  It's almost an inch thick.  I thought, "Wow, that's kinda impressive.  It looks like one of those manuscripts you see in one of those movies about writers." (Wonder Boys, Celebrity, Barton Fink, e.g.)  I know, it's silly.

My dream is to publish my children's adventure book, become the next J.K. Rowling or Amanda Hocking, use that as a platform for my songs, poems, stories, and advocating for abused children, and make enough money to retire with Carol to a nice little pied-à-terre on the beach.