A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running."
A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or price.
The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks "well, anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28".
Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"
The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?"
The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and all his other stuff."
A Dog Called Mace
A man has a dog called Mace, which he keeps in the house all the time, because all it does is eat grass.
He also has a favorite tool, his wrench, which he uses all the time.
One day He looses the wrench. He looks every where for it but can't find it.
The dog gets out, eats all his grass and there in the middle of the lawn is his wrench.
The man starts singing "A grazing Mace how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me".