I did not know what to title this post....but maybe it will fit once I am done. Growing up I did not have the greatest childhood. We weren't starving or anything like that, but there were other things that still bother me about my childhood.
My parents seperated when I was very young, almost five. I remember my parents being together, just one day Mom wasn't there anymore. I was told so many things but within the last four years or so I finally heard my mom's side of the whole thing.
My dad was very bitter. She left him and he made it perfectly clear, she left me too. Well as it turns out Mom knew she did not have a place to live and she knew my dad loved me and it would kill him for her to take me away like that, and she was right. I remember a time when she went for a whole day with my brother and I, when we got back he was a reck, literally. So Mom went to Grams, dad's mother, and explained to her that she just could not take it with my dad anymore, she had good reason I guess, but that she had no place to live and she knew Grams would take good care of me. And eventhough Dad don't realize I remember as much as I do, I know Mom did come back to get me once she was settled and would be able to take care of me. Grams was a scrapper and wouldn't allow it.
Grams was always there for me, no matter what and above anyone else. She is my Mom #2. That is my problem, my dad and step mom are on their way here for a visit now and my dad is always putting Grams down (she did not like his current wife because of how she treated me and she was not one to hide it), he thinks I should think of Betty the way I do Grams. Well, that just is not going to happen.
I do love my dad, I just don't know how I am going to get through this two weeks he is planning on staying with me. I told my mom once that one of these days he is going to say something about Grams and he will hate me once I go off. He will see more Grams in me than he can handle, lol. Well, I guess Mom did talk to Dad and told him regardless what he thinks of his mother that I loved her more than anything and he will lose me if he don't stop putting her down. I wondered why he calmed down about her.
As old as I am I should not have to feel this way, I should not have to feel that I need to defend myself or Grams. But I love it that I will see him but sometimes I just wish he would drive up give me a hug and be gone at the end of the day. I don't know how wrong I am for that. I know I do hold a grudge, that I have always done, more so as an adult even, I know I am not suppose to be that way, but I do, that is why I cannot except Betty as a second mom or a mom at all for that matter. I have two moms, I have my real mom which now lives very close to me. Dad would not allow her to see me when I was growing up, it would be years before I would see her again. Then I have Grams, my other mom. I know Dad thinks I am selfish, but that is how I feel and there is no changing that.
So what do you think, am I a selfish brat? Or is there someone out there that can actually relate to how I feel?