Do you still feel "connected" to your spouse?

My husband and I spent quite a long time fighting. Basically ever since I was pregnant with our first children (the twins). He went through some emotions he didn't share with me, I went through some emotions I didn't share with him.. this led to a serious problem for the next 9 years pretty much. We had times where we got along, and times when we fought. Mostly we knew that deep down under it all we still had a good relationship and we were still right for each other.

We recently went to get some help for our problems (which is how we learned how it started and why). We're talking more and sharing more.. but I still feel like that "connection" is missing. We can talk about anything, and we're even bringing things up that are uncomfortable to share with each other and we're making a lot of progress!

Hopefully in time and with help from therapy we will get our connection back.

Do you still feel connected with your spouse? Did you ever lose your connection for a time? If you did, how did you get it back?

Comments: 18

Nancy S. Aug 15, 2012, 8:51pm UTC

I'm glad you are trying to work things out. I take the vows very seriously which is why I stayed in mine for 16 years. When I ended mine all the tears and heartache were over, There was only relief. I wish it could have worked but you both have to want it and acknowledge that there is a problem.

Amanda P. Aug 15, 2012, 10:41pm UTC

Thanks for sharing. We are both definitely committed to making it work. As I said, we have a good foundation, we just need to work on the rest of it.

Nancy S. Aug 15, 2012, 10:48pm UTC

That's what it takes and I wish you the very best.

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Pamela Marks Aug 15, 2012, 11:38pm UTC

Yes we are till connected. talking and having date nights help

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 7:02am UTC

We've always talked and dated.. it's just that we have trouble talking about certain things. We're not very open with our emotions, and that's something we're working on.

Pamela Marks Aug 16, 2012, 7:00pm UTC

try a journal back and forth to each other

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 7:04pm UTC

That's a pretty sweet idea.. then we can write when we feel like it instead of being pressured to talk when we have the time.

Pamela Marks Aug 16, 2012, 8:20pm UTC

exactly and don't forget to slip in a few things that you are greatful for like maybe he holds the door for you things like that , but a journal is the way the kids and I communicated sometimes

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 8:48pm UTC

That's a great way to talk about things you may not want to share with anyone else, or are too afraid to talk about face to face. I will probably give that a try with my husband and maybe some of my kids also. Good time to start too with notebooks being so cheap because of back to school!

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alicia h. Aug 15, 2012, 11:43pm UTC

I feel like we are and aren't at the same time. I'm not sure that makes sense, though, haha. We have been through a lot of very difficult things lately so out relationship is very different. It is getting better though, now we just need to work on spending more time together, which is hard because he works 6 days a week and is gone from 5 am till almost 8 pm.
I'm so glad you are working things out though! A counselor is what got us through the roughest time.

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 7:01am UTC

We are in the same boat as my husband works similar hours and basically always has. You do eventually get used to the lack of time. That hasn't really been our problem though. It's been what we do with our time that we have. He's not very open as far as emotions go which is what we're working on now.

alicia h. Aug 16, 2012, 11:44am UTC

That I understand. We had fallen into a routine of just watching tv when he got home.

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 7:05pm UTC

We've had that problem off and on, and I"m just as guilty as him. He wants to play video games, I want to be on the computer, or sometimes we'll watch TV together but it's not "quality" time. Lately we have been sitting on the porch to chat after he gets home and will generally stay out there pretty late. That way there are no interruptions and we get chatting away and lose track of time.

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May Xue Aug 15, 2012, 11:46pm UTC

I am glad to hear that you both are working things out. I don't have a husband yet, but I am thankful to hear how you are cooping with this matter. Hope you two will continue your journey together.

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 6:59am UTC

Thank you.

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michele r. Aug 16, 2012, 5:38am UTC

With us we have been together for 4 years. In many ways we are still learning things about each other. I think we are connected on many levels but at that same time we are disconnected on a few as well. We are not totally 100% there yet but we are working on it.

Amanda P. Aug 16, 2012, 6:59am UTC

We've been together over 11 years now. Oddly, we're still learning things about ourselves.. so it's natural to still be learning things about each other.

michele r. Aug 17, 2012, 6:26am UTC

I think that if we stop learning about each other the relationship will head down hill.

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Do you still feel "connected" to your spouse?

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