Ernesto had the reputation of being a Playboy and all women found him desirable, except for one blossoming beauty named Felicia who wanted to be a Catholic Nun.
Ernesto was smitten with Felicia, but he could not get to first base. Ernesto, being quite wealthy, hired a consultant detective to find Felicia’s weaknesses he could use to manipulate her into his bedroom chamber.
Ernesto read the daily reports and soon realized Felicia so pure that given a few changes in Church dogma, she could become the first female Pope.
Ernesto was about to give up his quest when by chance a Priest came to his door and asked to have a chat. Ernesto soon learned the local Parish short of vitally needed funds. The Priest asked Ernesto to make a donation and Ernesto said, ’On one condition.’
The Parish Priest, a few Nuns and a purported letter from the Holy See all were rather coercive, yet reminding to Felicia the good she could do to help the Parish through financial difficulties.
Felicia realized this meant the end of her Nun aspirations, so she said, ’I will do as you wish as long as he wears a condom.’ This caused a conundrum.
Ernesto was contacted and told the whole story. He was told a condom rather unholy and for hitting a home run with Felicia he would have to marry her. Ernesto usually recoiled at the word marriage and hesitated, but when shown her swimsuit photograph, he said, 'Let’s do it.’
Ernesto and Felicia were wed. The Parish got funds taking it out of the red. Ernesto was rather pleased because Felicia a good cook and soon they had a child made from love.
Ernesto had been rather pleased with Felicia and not once had his eye strayed. However, that changed when Felicia was almost nightly too tired. Ernesto felt the urge again to graze other pastures.
Felicia should be given credit because she made sure to do her duty to Ernesto twice a week, but he was a daily guy and found her efforts rather weak.
Ernesto soon raised naïve trusting Felicia’s suspicions slightly when he bought stain remover and started doing his own laundry. Then when Felicia was straightening Ernesto’s sock and underwear drawer, she found a faded lipstick stain where it had not been before.
Felicia secretly hired Detective Dave who rather quickly was able to provide ample evidence of infidelity. Felicia thought the detective sexy and casually said, ’If only I weren’t married,’ then she pouted her lips before giving him payment.
Detective Dave was smitten and he wanted Felicia, but knew she considered adultery a vile sin. He loved Felicia and realized Ernesto an impediment needing to be laid to rest, but he needed a fool-proof plan.
Detective Dave had watched Ernesto and had spotted only one weakness. After 10 p.m. Ernesto would take off his glasses and often bump into things trying to answer a phone ringing from his latest fling.
Detective Dave thought this disgusting, but fortunate. He contacted his good friend, a Herpetologist named Stan. He explained the situation and Stan provided a lethal slithering telephone surprise, which when Ernesto answered had fangs that dug in causing him to die.
Felicia and Detective Dave were wed and made Dave a happy man. Detective Dave’s Herpetologist friend thought Felicia quite a comely lass, so he warned Dave that if he strayed, he would receive a phone call.