JOKERS AND GROANERS

A DAVE LETTERMAN TOP 10 LIST.

TOP TEN EXCUSES OF THE BURGER KING EMPLOYEE WHO STOOD IN THE LETTUCE.

10."Someone was already standing in the pickles"
9."It seemed inappropriate to squat in the lettuce"
8."Was attempting to make four Whoppers at once"
7."Couldn't find a stepladder"
6."I'm trying to cut back on standing in carbs"
5."Sometimes, to relax, I pretend I'm a crouton"
4."It's the best way to get salad dressing off your shoes"
3."Had to cool my feet after standing in the deep fryer"
2."Someone needed to show the lettuce who's boss"
1."Hey, don't judge me till you've walked a mile in my lettuce"

SPENDING TOO MUCH

The Mitt Romney campaign spent more money in June than it took in. Every businessman will tell you, you can’t run a campaign like that. Apparently, you can run a government like that, but not a campaign.

MITT IN LONDON

Mitt Romney is in London. They said get your campaign plane, get your family, you don't know anything about foreign policy, strap your dog to the roof of the plane. He arrived in England, got off the plane, and proudly proclaimed 'Ich bin ein Londoner.' … When Romney arrived at the hotel he was greeted by his money.

PAYING FOR TWITTER

There’s talk that Mitt Romney’s campaign is paying for Twitter followers. Yes, he’s paying for people to like him. Or, as it’s called; "politics!!"