by William Dotani
Member since:
October 27, 2006

Alone With Wood Desire: WWE 7/25/12 Trees

July 30, 2012 04:26 AM UTC
views: 0 | 12 people recommend this | comments: 36

It was 1993 and I was left alone during the Summer holidays, as my wife was in Tokyo attending her cousin’s wedding. Most married men will tell you my situational bliss. I had nothing naughty in mind, but some handy thoughts after each 6-pack of beer or litre of wine.

I rented a few Monty Python VHS and planned to spend hours viewing. I also had gotten out a few books for reading in my 3 foot deep heated bathtub. Things seemed to be going well and I was quite happy to see my wife had left me, in our refrigerator, a nutritious bento.

After eating lunch, I got a toothpick and this marks the time things started getting whacky. The toothpick sneezed and said in broken English, ’I a tree.’ I look at it and threw it in the trash where I heard some thrashing.

Maybe a toothpick that talks a tad unbelievable, but that only the beginning. Soon my chopsticks started bending and it seemed in my knotty-pine hallway walls I heard disturbing chatter.

A young front yard tree, a weeping willow, had left a few leaf unbeknownst to me telling all wooden objects she had been treated poorly. I adored this tree and went out to water it after I had finished me beer.  

Comments: 36

Bernard C. Jul 30, 2012, 5:25am UTC
Some amusing moments occur when suddenly left alone to our own devices..we devise things that are of a funny nature..like leaning two matchsticks head to head in a A format..then setting one alight on the lower right..then watch it slowly burn as it curls up and..oh such fun..hahah who does this I wonder? Like I said, its amusing when left to our own devices.. Good to hear you could wash it all away with a couple of cold ones


Thanks for sharing and submitting to
The Surreal Circus.
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 1:34am UTC
Doing such much more fun than theory. Nothing better than a cold one on a hot steamy Summer night. However tonight is mid 70's and I believe a cup of tea will hit the spot whilst I think about Dressage, then personally trying to do the horse walk course in front yard and street. Most of my neighbors republican, so they won't mind, if I wear mittens. TY.
Bernard C. Jul 31, 2012, 3:23am UTC
Haha - sit back and relax..say..why are you all laughing..my name is not Godiva...haha
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 4:24am UTC
Shall I bare my soul, go shirtless like Putin and say they are all crackers; which most are pasty white like Mitt Romney. I think if I intercede with a need to say: We need the Queen to save the day and make the whole of North America a Commonwealth, reinstate and fulfill valid treaties. Maybe if in Utah, you'd be directed into Zion.
Diane Huizenga Jul 30, 2012, 9:11am UTC
LOL sounds like to much beer
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 1:35am UTC
Is that possible? LOL. TY.
william d. Jul 30, 2012, 10:42am UTC
Well written! So well written!
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 1:36am UTC
That nice of you. Thank you.
Pam Brittain Jul 30, 2012, 1:11pm UTC
Poor, poor tree. I'm not even going to ask what you watered it with.

Great story. Your imagination never ceases to amuse me.
Marge H. Jul 30, 2012, 3:56pm UTC
Maybe that's why the wooden objects were retaliating. Plants don't like to be watered with anything but pure water. My dogs killed a few of our trees that way.
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 1:56am UTC
Look to the past Pam and you'll find great ideas to easily reinvent into a modern scenario. Instead of just reading or say watching Stephen Colbert, or Mr. Ed reruns for enjoyment; think about the different aspects or various parts of this writing or performer's prism on your dawning window. I speak in a parable to a writer whom obviously knows metaphor, and in Marge's case, Llama herding. Look at the rhetoric used in descriptive devices: Is it illustration, explanation, or an interpretation and most importantly find the rhetorical pattern and you have the silver thread that will make everything clear unless you are from Fond Du Lac where they only speak French and well, it's said certain residents rooted for the badeger instead of Turtleman. Look at the mannerism and timing. Focus on it and just feel what you think is working. Colbert sometimes has a dud, but still he keeps to scripted formula. What is its various parts just like a movie has variety, you need to know this within your own voice and not a textbook. One of John Dewey's keys is 'we reinvent the past to make it seem new.
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 2:00am UTC
Marge, I have known people who wanted a tree or two killed and maybe the dog watering method will take care of the problem. TY X 2.
Donna C. Jul 30, 2012, 9:44pm UTC
I think you had a few too many beers and wines..............
William Dotani Jul 31, 2012, 1:58am UTC
ya don't say, eh.
Thank you.
Barbary C. Jul 31, 2012, 10:26pm UTC
Maybe your wife coached the wood with those words to keep you slightly off center while she was absent. We women do things like that. :)
William Dotani Aug 1, 2012, 2:24am UTC
That is possible: It is an impossible to understand the fairer sex. TY.
Alice G. Aug 1, 2012, 3:30pm UTC
Well, I was going to ask if you had the beers before or after the talking toothpick? I can't believe you didn't record the performance and get rich off it--see too many cold ones can muddle your thinking.
William Dotani Aug 2, 2012, 3:23am UTC
I own not a cell phone nor a working camera nor do I want such. I do agree about the muddle. I listened to music when muddled. TY.
Alice G. Aug 2, 2012, 10:54pm UTC
I went reluctantly to ownership of a cell phone nine years ago when I got a grandchild who lived many miles away. I held out for about 7 more years before I would turn on texting-when my grandaughter got her own cell and took me to task and taught me how to do it. We have great fun texting and she gets a lot of good laughs at her MawMaw. The things we do for grandchildren!
William Dotani Aug 5, 2012, 1:41am UTC
My grandma was from Kentucky and I called her Mam Maw. I simply will resist technology as much as I can.
Patricia J. Aug 2, 2012, 2:10am UTC
Maybe your toothpick and chop sticks were made from Orcs and not trees. Orcs look so much like trees it is easy to become confused. The only way to tell for sure is to see an Orc uproot itself and begin walking away!!
William Dotani Aug 2, 2012, 3:24am UTC
I hear something moving in the utensils drawer! Thank you.
Alice G. Aug 2, 2012, 10:55pm UTC
Ok, I am behind the times. What is an Orc?
William Dotani Aug 3, 2012, 2:51am UTC
A three letter word
You may think me absurd
Every good boy does fine
Also keeps relatives in mind
Ye best believe an Orc not a good pet
Everybody bet you seem to know this

I have a theory you have watched to many episodes of 'I Love Lucy.' Now don't get upset or write a letter hoping Fidel Castro is on 'Wheel of Fortune.'
(Yes, my wife complains I do not dress like Vanna White, but let's move on). Wheel of Fortune makes no sense, since you need to be on Jeopardy to answer questions.)
Is it true you sing all of Desi's tunes?
Jeopardy question: How many Orc's mentioned in Desi's tunes?
Now it's evident you don't know what an Orc is, unless the next letter on a Free Play is H. Sorry, it isn't. The word a proper noun and I believe Tolkien coined this word for a creature's intro in The Two Towers. Now that you know, you might watch the Turtleman and decide on something he captures to be a much tamer pet.
Patricia J. Aug 3, 2012, 8:29am UTC
You are right, Bill, an Orc is a living tree in Tolkien's trilogy!!
William Dotani Aug 4, 2012, 2:35am UTC
I read the trilogy while stationed in Germany. I was at a fairly large camp, but the only other person I ever saw at the base library was a man called Lt. Clarke from Philadelphia. He was impressed I had read Ivanhoe and suggested Tolkien's Trilogy. I rarely drank beer unless at a festival.
Ms Lee P. Aug 3, 2012, 3:17am UTC
Yikes! I hope your wife isn't still mad at you for watering her favorite tree to death. Humpf - a talking toothpick - indeed!
William Dotani Aug 3, 2012, 4:10am UTC
I pled the 5th and of course was believed innocent by all of the boxed and round plastic container toothpicks. TY.
lynn a. Aug 3, 2012, 1:57pm UTC
Thoroughly enjoyed this, William. You never are one to be dull. \

Also, just stopping by to say hello since having the chance today. Hope you are having a great summer.
William Dotani Aug 4, 2012, 2:27am UTC
I do try to overcome my wallflower nature. Thank you.

I simply feel unwell mostly because I almost always wake up with severe cramps in my leg. It wears me out sometimes, but at other times it goes away as soon as I stand. So far August is actually much better than the cruel month of July. I have had chronic bronchitis since 1981, but usually it only affects me in colder months. This time it started a bit before mid June and only yesterday have I noticed great improvement. I certainly have slept lots; anywhere from 12~15 hours in a standard 24. I'm getting older and maybe more brittle day by day. Still, I'm rather comfortable. I hope you are well & happy.
Orbus Argentum Aug 4, 2012, 12:21pm UTC
I hope you washed up after handling all of that animated wood! ;~)
William Dotani Aug 5, 2012, 1:37am UTC
Your comment reminds me of a usually well meaning feminist, who basically said men don't clean up after going to the birds and bees place. I thought that quite an unfair disgusting attack on men. I thought it improper and called her out about this and she got rather huffy, so I'm hiding with 2 other piggies. I personally find any kind of character assasination a low blow that causes a disqualification for lack of common sense reason. I would clean up that last sentence, but I'm a man. TY. (I don't knock on it).
Alice G. Aug 5, 2012, 2:28am UTC
There is such a thing as a "well meaning feminist" in this day and age?
William Dotani Aug 5, 2012, 2:53am UTC
30 years of marriage and full time working wife has helped me see the woman's point of view, but I do not listen or give relevance to points of view I feel undignified character assasination. TY.
Elsie Duggan Aug 14, 2012, 11:46pm UTC
I love this, William, and the thread here is just as great as your piece. You have some ardent followers, well deserved. Take care of yourself, sorry to hear you are still in pain, just need to get my blood count up and will be stronger, lousy being tired all the time.
See a hematologist for that on Friday, going to drive myself for the first time, glad it isn't far;), goodnight, I love you, Elsie
William Dotani Aug 15, 2012, 5:32am UTC
This is good news. Take care and get weller soon.

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