Something For The Weekend: Brit Wit, Witty and caustic one lines from Britons living and dead

Here are some quotes from a little book called 'Brit Wit' somebody bought me this week . Enjoy....

I couldn't warm to Chuck Berry even if I was cremated next to him -KEITH RICHARDS

Never keep up with Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper. QUENTIN CRISP

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style QUENTIN CRISP

I'm a skilled professional actor. Whether or not I have any talent is beside the point. MICHAEL CAINE

I don't make mistakes. I make prophesies which immediately turn out to be wrong. MURRAY WALKER

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity. LORD MANCROFT

The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End. CYRIL SMITH

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. BENJAMIN DISRAELI

The New Testamant is basically about what happened when God got religion. TERRY PRATCHET

When the gods want to punish us, they answer our prayers. OSCAR WILDE

Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in through the door. GEORGE MOOR

What would I like the sermon to be about, vicar? I would like it to be about ten minutes. ARTHUR WELLESLEY (The Duke of Wellington)

If you can't get a job as a pianist in a brothel, you become a royal reporter. MAX HASTINGS

Civil servants - no longer servants, no longer civil. WINSTON CHURCHILL

Well we can't stand around here doing nothing - people will think we're workmen. SPIKE MILLIGAN

The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh I think of my sex life. GLENDA JACKSON

You should make a point of trying every experience once except incest and folk dancing. ARNOLD BAX

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. CATHERINE AIRD

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. WINSTON CHURCHILL

An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. DYLAN THOMAS

LORD SANDWICH: Sir, you will die either of the pox or on the gallows.
JOHN WILKES: Depending on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.

When they circumcised Herbert Samuel they threw away the wrong bit. DAVID LLOYD GEORGE

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