Fear the Almighty Dollar in Great Sums for It Is Great and Mightier Than Your Vote

Have you noticed how political campaigns are trying to convince us we should fear large sums of money? Have you heard that the world is going to implode if your candidate doesn't raise more money than the opponent?

I'm getting way too many e-mails from candidates I support from the president on down that are trying to convince me that all is lost if their opponents raise more money. I thought this was about votes. I realize money is needed to get the message out and pay staffers to handle the details, but I'd like to lay out some facts for all the campaigns.

The rich are rich and are going to stay that way. You, dear candidate, are more likely to be rich too. You're in the spotlight. You've got a job no matter how politically retarded you are. Look how well Moosegutter Palin has done for herself and her whole Hee Haw gang. You could probably get a huge bank loan just by putting your name and potential up as collateral.

Spend your funds wisely. If I want a button or sticker or sign to show my support, I'll buy one or make one. If I buy one, most likely it will be from someone who has made them and is using the opportunity current events present to be entreprenuerial. Some of their work, by the way, is more imaginative than your campaign team could ever come up with any way.


Don't waste money on a million ads. After I see an ad once or twice, I'm not watching again. After years of listening to fundamentalist yammering, I have a finely geared automatic tune out response to anything that is constantly repeated. Don't worry, I feel the same way about your opponents' ads, only they annoy me so I probably didn't listen to them past the first 5 seconds. Judging by the amount of uninformed people walking around despite constant advertising on all media outlets, I believe others have developed this response as well.


Simplicity is underrated. As much as I enjoy a big stage production, you don't need it. People who come to hear you speak are there because they support you. They may have convinced a friend on the fence to come along, but you're not going to dazzle the skeptic with glitter. Present your platform from the heart and if you truly believe your own words, others will too. If your audience would respond better to a Muppet without a puppeteer's hand up its backside, then you're probably Mitt Romney.

If you want the job invest in yourself. Mortgage your home or homes. Raid your kids' college funds. Sell your stuff. Take out a bank loan. Go without a vacation for a few years. Don't go to the doctor when you are sick. Put off home repairs, especially if they can be mended with duct tape or super glue. Live like you've got student loans and two part-time minimum wage jobs. Think of the campaign as an interview that goes on for months and if you don't get the position, your dog will die because you couldn't afford the medication to save him.

And for crissake, STOP begging for money. Stop whining about Joe Blow out-raising and out-spending you! Would I like to have a CEO's salary? Hell, yes! Am I going to get it by nagging at my supervisor? Hell, no! Accept the fact that someone makes more money than you and don't dwell on how he made it or you'll probably want to kill someone. Try doing what tens of millions of regular people do - work with what you've got. The voters do it all the time. They can relate to this much more than receiving a dozen e-mails a day from wealthy men and women panhandling for $5.

This is how we can get money out of politics. We make it not matter. We make fundraising a dead issue. We accept that the best candidate may not have the fattest bank account.

Fiscal responsibility is a big turn-on. Candidates should practice it.