Challenge: Using prose or poetry, tell us about any experience you’ve had with a character developing without your conscious input. If you’ve never had it happen, discuss what you might do if one of your characters just started developing without your guidance.
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Tom was 1 of three brothers - old time cowpokes. At age 85, Tom was the youngest of the three. He was tall, wiry and usually a bit shaky, but that was due to his drinking problems. OK, there's the description and here's where it went.
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Tom weren’t no bad drunk
Only problem was, he stunk
Fact were, he were kinda dear
Ever night asleep in my Belvadere
Drove him home ever night
Told is brothers he were alright
Weren’t too bad with the windows down
Closed the bar, took him to town.
Brothers locked the door, made him sleep outside.
His smell even I found hard to abide.
One day, cold outside, I turned on the heat
Held my nose, knowing his stink would repeat.
He woke from a drunken sound sleep.
That then’s when he uttered a peep.
I turned to see him and saw his new bed roll
He said, no choice, cold take’s it’s toll
My brothers threw me in the creek.
Soaped me down, clean enough to squeak
They burned my bedroll and all my clothes.
They told me that everything goes.
This said, I tell ya, for the next week
His stench was quite weak.
The stench came back, it weren’t no joke
Heck, ya just gotta help an old cowpoke.
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Comments: 59
This is neat because I've been able to do this twice today. Now featured on both Gather Writing Essential and The Triple Name Club.
BTW, the brothers at least cleaned him up. OK, granted they stayed in their nice warm house and OK, it was winter and the creek was almost freezing.
Now Featured on Surreal Circus
Richard, I'm here to learn. What would you edit in this piece. I surealsly want to know. Please, please.
Pam, I would make your Syllable count move even so it will flow better. To me it's a nursery rhyme form. many times you can omit or replace small words (a, and ,the etc,) with ; or : to lessen syl. count. I would try for 7 or 8 syls. for each line,exp. line7. "Weren't too bad with windows down" (7 syl.)....another one;" Soaped me down, enough to squeek" (7 syll.)...Always slept on my Belvadere"...Hope this helps
Them brothers could'a cut Tom some slack, well mabee just a tad.
Ok, is there a budding Johnny Cash to put some music to this crying in my beer song?
Thanks, Alice.
Only trouble is, you can clean 'im up
But by next week, you'll have to have a go at it again.