Setback

Beautiful!!!!

I assume you are referring to the butterfly Shannon, thank you.

Oh my God Carol ~ This really "touched" me ~ and the imagery is BEAUTIFUL!

Love,
Rene

Thank you Rene. This butterfly visited me on my deck for several minutes last year. It was a very special visit.

So true are your words... "Step by step

One foot forward

One foot back"

The flood of emotions are always there, yet can be highjacked by the great deceptor... We learn to deal with them... some better than others.

I felt the cut of your heart and the wrenching of your words, as words can be true expressions into the soul, should we feel safe enough to let them out...

Too many people have been subverted into comforming to the "Norm" for fears of not measuring up to what society dictates. Healing, is yours and yours alone in your own terms of endurement

That is why we have poetry... to feel the emotions that only time can heal.

Thank you for sharing so deep a connection my friend.

Thank you for your submission to: "PTSD FREE to BE ME" Your submission is FEATURED!

I am sorry it has taken so long to get to your post. Blessings my friend!

Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and for the feature.

You are so right, we all have to find our own way to heal.

I pray that today is better for you Carol and that your heart is less heavy.

Thank you Nana, today is better. I am working my way back thanks to friends like you.

I am so sorry, Carol, but I am glad you have the strength to work through it. I am not a Pollyanna, but I do believe that sometimes these things actually strengthen us.
Take care, and think about the future.

The old saying goes.. that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Yes, it usually does, but sometimes it hurts a while first, eh.

I not only feel the pain of my heart breaking but also the other family. I know how it feels and there is nothing I can do. Not now, but maybe soon I can be of some help and support to them. I appreciate your comments George.

I wish that I could say more. The Eskimos have a hundred different words for snow, but the English language doesn't have many ways to say, "I am sorry."

You are very kind George.

Sometimes I'll pray that I be the recipient of another's pain when they have a huge load to carry. Then later, sometimes months later, when I am in pain, I tell myself that I must be carrying someone's pain for whom I'd prayed about at another time.

Not sure if that makes sense, but pain can be so debilitating that we go through any mind game in order to bear it.

So sorry for your pain, Carol.

Any reasonable way that deals with pain without adding more to someone else does make sense.

Susan, I was amazed at how I immediately felt the pain of the family and I have never met them. My heart actually hurt. And yes your words make complete sense. Mental pain is the worst thing I have and am still enduring. It will never leave as the love for my child is forever, but if I can help others in some small way it eases the pain.

Oh no, how horrible! I'm so sorry that you had to see that :(

It was horrible Tory. Thank you.

About your poem:

This is evocative of both events, written pure and in the now but remembering.
It is beautifully written, my dear.

Love sent...

Much appreciated Barb.

Your writing is lovely, Carol, and you have my thoughts and caring.

You are kind to say so Pam. Thank you.

Thanks for sharing with Depression and Creativity! I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I'm going to feature this in hopes somebody will stumble on it and send you some positive energy.

Thank you Doug.

I stumbled on it when Rose Hill made a comment and crossposted to facebook. I'm thankful she did.

Terrible. The poem was powerful. I hope you can put the horror behind you soon and move on.

I am trying Peter, thank you.

A good and thought provoking poem, Carol. What a terrible thing to happen. Did you know the man? The same thing happened with a friend of ours and his death just tore me apart.

An event like that opens up a floodgate of emotions for those of us who have experienced the pain of loss, especially that of our children. You know the pain his family is feeling and because of that, you may be able to help them on their journey of healing. (((HUG)))

Denise, I would wave when I would see him in his yard mowing his lawn. A very friendly man. Yes, the floodgates open and it was so unexpected. I immediately felt the pain of the family. I hope to help them at the right time, when they are ready.

Hang in there Carol, I have learned you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

You are a good friend Diane. Thank you.

Sorry the bad memories came back.

William, It is something I am learning to live with, thank you.

Oh you poor thing and just a few houses down too. Carol, hang in there, because this too shall pass. There are no answers, only the agony of going on and living.
All one can do is go and get support and go and give support. Life is worth living, it's just that sometimes we can't see it, it all seems so black and blue like a bottomless pit - no joy in sight.
Then you find yourself a year or two later with a new life and you look back in gratitude and wonder that you survived it all and life is good. Better then you could have ever imagined.
My mom was thirteen when her sister shot herself, she was home alone with her older sister, when her sisters fiancee dropped by for a visit.
They were making coffee in the kitchen and he was at the bottom of the stairs, cup in hand to take up to her when they heard the shot.
There are no answers, people get desperate, convinced there is no other way out. But what we don't know then is that this too shall pss, things will get better, much better and life will be good.
One can't replace a loved one that's gone forever, there will always be a gaping black hole, but it's the unimaginable trials in life that make us who we are. It is our response, the way we choose to deal with it, once the initial shock wears off that makes us stronger and makes us who we are.
... and if just one more person calls me strong and a survivor I'm gonna spit in their face:), that's how I feel sometimes:)

Rose, thanks for crossposting to fb. I came here because I saw your comment.

Blessings to you for helping others to be more aware of our friends here in the cyberworld.

Rose, Your words remind me of what my Grandmother used to say... this too shall pass. So much truth in those words.
I did not know about your Mom's sister, so sad. I agree that it's not what happens to us but how we choose to deal with it. I am still working on that. Wise words you have shared Rose, thank you for being a friend and for your continued support.

Carol, I'm so sorry. Your poem expressed it perfectly and beautifully. You and your dear neighbors in my thoughts.

Thank you Tina, I appreciate you.

What a beautiful and poignant poem, Carol. I hope you will share it with others through publication, or simply presenting it to others you know are in pain, as in a card. I'm so sorry you had to endure that pain again.

Alison, I am not a poet or a writer. Although, as I journal, I look back and see how much I have grown. These events set me back but not for long, I will survive. And I have shared this with my support groups. Thank you.

I beg to differ, Carol. I think this poem is very worthy of sharing via publication. Check out these magazines:

http://www.everywritersresource.com/literarymagazines/2012/the-healing-muse/


http://www.bereavementmag.com/

Alison, You are such an inspiration. I will definitely check these out, you have made my day! I needed a positive light, thank you for being that light my friend.

You're welcome, Carol! If you are keeping a journal you are already a writer. You can write articles or poetry from the journals. Why not write about how journaling has helped you in your healing?

You know, right now we have a troubled son out in the wilderness...where there is still snow and cold temps...this is day four....he has some experience, but the conditions may be more than he has dealt with...and he is alone. The wilderness can be healing, but can be treacherous, too. I am praying for him and sending him Reiki...and put out a prayer call to friends and relatives. Not sure if I should do this on Gather, though.

Your support and encouragement means more than you know.

About your son, oh my goodness, my thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide to do I will support you any way I can.

Thank you so much, Carol. That means a lot to me.

How are things in your world Alison? Your son?

What a terrible tragedy Carol, for that family and for you. Praying strength and peace for all of you.

Yes Nancy, you hear about it on the news so often but when it happens in your neighborhood, it really hits home. Thank you.

My deepest sympathy for your loss. You poem is beautiful!

Thank you Kevin.

Carol, I can't imagine this at all. I am so very sorry for you, and that family. If it helps there are many people here who love and care about you. I am one of them.

Mary, Thank you, and your butterfly icon is beautiful. I am always amazed at the support here at Gather. It means more thank anyone can imagine.

I'm sorry you went through that,( Hugs)

Thank you for sharing with Sadies Points

How unfortunate when these things happen to bring back all the pain...I hope sharing your story has helped ease the pain, and may you also find comfort among all your Gather friends~will keep you in my thoughts...

Yes, with the PTSD it doesn't take much to bring it all back. I keep learning as I go along my journey how to deal with it. However, when it hits you blind sided, it does knock you down, but I am getting up, brushing myself off and will keep moving forward. I am finding comfort here, thank you.

Bless your heart. There are never any proper words to help someone who has suffered a tragedy such as yours, but as your friend said, the distance of time is a cushion for the pain you feel everyday. Take the time to let yourself feel so that you can move on again.

Good to see you. Friends are so important. Time does help, deep breaths help as well. Thank you for being a friend.

Likewise, Miss Birdie. Hope the impact of recent events are no longer giving you grief.

I can feel the weight getting lighter, thanks to my friends. :)

Thank God!!

^_^

Your poem is expressed in empathy & love - carrying the balm of healing in words that touch the heart.

In reality the experiences like that in life are so heavy & burdensome - BUT your picture of the butterfly is a powerful reminder of the beauty in life that continues to share - even in the mist of all kinds of grief & tragedy. THAT is the miracle in it all - that only the spirit of God can give!

Perhaps the situation with your neighbor can also be looked at as a token reminder that you are NOT alone in your experiences or your burdens. That kind of reality lived is happening all over the earth, unfortunately to say the least. It does not help eliminate the pain or sorrow - it just shows once again, that there is nothing new under the sun.

Yes, your wise Grandmother said it well & echoes to all of us today "This too shall pass." If only our emotions & heart would learn to deal with it better.

Always good to see you CL. Thank you for your support. The butterflies always help me, they are a reminder that if nothing changed there would be no butterflies. I know you hear about so many suicides on the news, but I heard the gunshot and saw him under the sheet, those are the images I have to get out of my mind. Thank you again for your support.

Totally understandable Carol ... I know you are a prayerful person & you are in my prayers also. Peace & Love!

Thank you

I can only offer my most heartfelt Thoughts, Prayers and Hugs, Carol.

And they are graciously accepted Bill.

Hugs from me to you. Setbacks are so hard to get through, I know. Love the verse.

Good to see you Kim. I know you understand.

Carol, you are becoming an "Intercessor". That is someone who understands through experience what a hurting individual/family is going through...and connects to that individual/family as a "Healer". Prayer intercessors connect both with the hurting and with God.

About suicide...a few years ago I was pointed to a feature in JAMA that saved my son's life. The article related test information that revealed lithium to be the drug that lessens the suicidal urge. It does it for all the causes of the urge. My son was bi-poler (they didn't know that at the time) and they had him on an antidepressant that made it worse. I told/showed the psychiatrist the article and he put my boy on lithium immediately. A couple days later the urge was gone. The psychiatrist told my son at least three times later that I had found the answer.

How inspiring. I am slowly learning what my purpose in life is now. You explained it perfectly. It is an instant connection that I feel.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am so happy for you that you still have your son.

I agree with Bill that you are becoming a healer through your own experience. Perhaps this horrible event will may eventually have some positive effect. Care to share this with Examining Our Religion?

Good to see you Ann. I certainly hope to find something positive.
I just joined the group and will submit.

Now featured at Examining Our Religion.

The feature is an honor Ann.

My heart goes out to you, "Dustin's Mom". Hugs.

Your support is always appreciated John.

We often shun & want to escape the very things in life that are making us worthwhile.

When this life throws us curve balls we have to learn how to deal, that is the hard part. Our reaction is the key to our healing.

Joy, I am sorry you have gone through loss and I hope you find what you are looking for to make your life whole again. I will always have triggers from what I witnessed. The unexpectedness is what throws you back. But I am moving forward again. Yes, the butterfly is very real. He visited me on my deck, was on my arm, leg, all over, a very special visit. Sent from my son I believe.

Dwell on the last paragraph please.

Consider it done, thank you William for your support.

It is sad when things brings back memories. This had to be hard for you.

Thank you for sharing with Watching The Wind Blow By

Yes it is Sandy. Thank you.

I missed this post and just now read it.....I cannot even begin to imagine how this tragic event must have affected you, Carol. I know what a caring and compassionate person you are and am certain that when the time is right, you will be able to comfort this family. I can understand how this sent you out of control but your poem speaks to how far you have come......take care my friend!

Sandy, Thank you for your continued support. It has been devastating but I am picking myself up and moving forward again. Again, I thank you.

You gave me goose bumps - I hope you find peace.

I am working on it Marilyn.

I feel for you Carol! Sometimes just when we think we're getting on with life, the past comes rushing back. Seems like we have no control of that sometimes. But of course there is always some beauty to be found to shore us up, if we can but allow it. In my own case, the reverse happened: a neighbor boy shot himself with his dad's gun,.... and then we lost 6 year-old Casey to a cause we still don't know for sure.

Here's to hoping you and the other family gets through it! :-)

Oh my goodness Gary. Such a horrible accident.
I remember very well when you lost Casey.
The pain never goes away, it just gets tolerable.

Thank you for your support.

this is so touching

Thank you Roberta.

This touched and many ways I cannot describe, I know our God cries for you because he is a just God...God Bless You

Thank you for reading Rony. Your comment is appreciated.

Flashbacks to trauma are always hard to deal with. I know from personal experience. But it is also true that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And with God all things are possible, including complete healing. God bless you my friend.

I will never be completely healed Rayda, the pain will always be there. Sorry you can relate on a personal level.

I remembered you and the butterfly so came back to ask you if you have orange butterfly weed in your area? It grows wild here and is gorgeous.

If we do I certainly have missed it. I have read that you can plant it, a great idea for the spring.

Congratulations you are Helping Out One Another's Person of the Day for 12/20/2012.

Thank you Tina.

Your welcome