by Alice G.
Member since:
January 2, 2012

BEING IN LOVE VERSUS LOVING

May 08, 2012 11:16 PM UTC
views: 0 | 7 people recommend this | comments: 31

Being "in love" is but a feeling,

Oceanic, hormonal, passively possessed,

 Loving is work, consciously chosen,

Soulful, actively practiced.

 

Falling in love is about chemistry,

Grand, glorious estate.

Yet  the work of  true love begins.

After the sensate highs abate.

© 2012  Alice Grimes

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Comments: 31

Ms Lee P. May 8, 2012, 11:31pm UTC
Very nice Alice. Your words are ture, there are all kinds and levels of love.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 12:30am UTC
Thank you Lee. There are indeed several kinds of love and no doubt degrees with the kinds except for agape or unconditional love-that has no degrees and it always puts the welfare of the beloved above one's self. Here I speak of Eros versus Agape (to the degree that man CAN love unconditionally).
John Doyle May 8, 2012, 11:39pm UTC
Someone once told me love is a decision. Your poem is wel said
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 12:53am UTC
Thank you John. I do believe it is a decision, a choice and one we must keep making on a daily basis because our lovability is definitely not a constant (mine is not for sure-a lot of days I can't stand me).
John Doyle May 9, 2012, 1:25am UTC
Many times we love in spite of not because of. Elizabeth Barrett Browning asked
"How do I Love thee" not why
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:37pm UTC
I totally agree, John. This applies to all the love relationships in our lives.
Marianne K. May 8, 2012, 11:54pm UTC
Indeed, Alice! The secret is to stay in love, and the loving will grow stronger. Naturally, that would require creativity, a constant evolving and delving into the interests and needs of the person loved.

A lovely, insightful poem, Alice :)
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 1:07am UTC

Thanky you for the kind words, Marianne. You are so right. But no matter what we do the oceanic feeling is not sustainable on a moment by moment basis but we can choose to continue to seek the welfare of the beloved before our own even when they are not lovable at the moment. And as you said it is important to pay attention to what expression of love the beloved needs to feel loved. (This is something we need to practice in all of the loves of our lives if we truly want the one we love to understand that they are loved.) There is a very good book on THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE and even one for learning to speak the love language of your children. What says I love you to me is far different from what you need to experience. That is part of working the work of love is figuring out what speaks to the heart of the beloved.
Heather - child of God, C. May 9, 2012, 2:13am UTC
Very good. I love the way you crafted this.

I have asked my husband why he loves me so. (I was married once before) He says if I knew it wouldn't be love. We will be married 32 years in June.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:19pm UTC
Well, it sounds like you guys have figured out how to love aright-so many couples never do and so much joy and sense of completeness is missed. I saw your husband's comment about you and it was full of love, understanding of who you are and intense respect for you. He sounds like a great husband for you too.
Heather - child of God, C. May 10, 2012, 11:19am UTC
When my ex mother in law met him she said 33 years ago, "John would stand on his head and spit wooden nickels if you asked him to" And although she did not say it in a nice tone of voice, I have always treasured that... even she could see he loved me. She often told me her son my late ex didn't want me... and on that she was right too.

I always encourage people that they can find true love even when they have been hurt..or went through a divorce. I did.
Alice G. May 10, 2012, 12:22pm UTC
God does take the broken peices, if we bring them to Him, and creates a whole new treasure for us.
Irina Dimitric May 9, 2012, 5:01am UTC
So very true, Alice. Beautifully penned.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:20pm UTC
Thank you my friend for you encouraging comments.
Irina Dimitric May 10, 2012, 5:34am UTC
My pleasure.
CL Mareydt May 9, 2012, 10:08am UTC
Beautifully expressed ...
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:20pm UTC
I appreciate the review and kind comment. CL
Clifford N. May 9, 2012, 10:29am UTC
Verb? Noun? Love is a difficult word to pin down. Your poem points this out quite well Alice. One should pay close attention in "maintaining" (verb) the "condition" (noun?) if love is to "grow" (verb or noun?).

Whatever its designation, it is a wonderful part of life and is perhaps the one single thing necessary for human life to be complete.

I like your work.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:25pm UTC
Thank you dear friend. You always seem to "get me". It has really helped to have you as a mentor-I am very grateful for that.
Rosa j. May 9, 2012, 11:10am UTC
Oh, Alice...so sweet and insightful...as a lover myself, I appreciate this poem....sometimes...I actually believe i fall in love with love:). Thanks again.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 3:32pm UTC
Oh sweet Rosa, therein lies the problem with some many folk today: they fall in love with the "in love" state without realizing that unless the work of true love is taking place that when the "honeymoon is over" there is nothing left but two people (and sometimes children) who don't even know the "real" spouse. It is so much better to do the work of love while the oceanic, hormonal stage is still working for them-it can be done afterwards but only when both are determined to make the relationship work.
Rosa j. May 9, 2012, 3:52pm UTC
, Alice, In all your statement lies foundational truths... True love is the most powerful force on earth, it has the power to weather many storms and stand the tests of times. My journey of thirty years of this was wonderful, and it took the hand of the master creaator to end it. When determination which is composed of commitment becomes interlaced in a relationship, the end result is always a success. Thanks again for such an insightful article:)
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 4:29pm UTC
Thank you Rosa. I know you know that God compares the relationship between a man and wife to that between Himself and His bride. It is mind boggling to think how much more wonderful that time will be if it is to top the love we can know now as a couple.
Pam Brittain May 9, 2012, 4:16pm UTC
Absolutely and right on.
Alice G. May 9, 2012, 4:30pm UTC
Thank you sweet Pam. You are so encouraging. Trust all is well friend.
Patricia J. May 11, 2012, 4:27am UTC
What a wonderful feeling is love, but good things come to those who continuously work at a true love. You say it beautifully, Alice!!
Alice G. May 13, 2012, 11:12pm UTC
Thank you my friend. You are such an encouragement to me. I know you know from whence this comes. I am also glad you didn't give up on love and you certainly had many reasons to.
Ed Da Head Toker May 13, 2012, 10:32pm UTC
a koool and good read.
Alice G. May 13, 2012, 11:13pm UTC
Ed, I am so blessed to have good friends who insist on making me feel good about a few words I have penned! Blessings back to you!

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