Dear Ted Nugent,
Maybe you should have smoked some weed with your fans back in the seventies, or at least joined them for a beer. Perhaps if you'd have taken advantage of the rock star privilege of being able to score good drugs, you'd be a mellow and sensible old man now instead of a raving lunatic.
A former fan
I remember when everyone wanted to go see Ted Nugent play. Those of us that were too young when he first hit the stage listened in awe of the tales the older kids told about the Mad Man of Motor City's balls out performances. Tales of how he'd played through a thunderstorm at one outdoor show only stopping to put on a pair of rubber galoshes because there were puddles forming on the stage. Stories of how he tore up the stage clad only in a loincloth and guitar. Stories of how some lucky s.o.b. got invited onto the tour bus because Ted saw him hanging around the stage door after the show. Wow! What a rock star!
I didn't get to see the Nuge perform live until the mid-eighties. He was exactly what a rock god should be - half naked with flowing locks and solid chops. He was a maniac never stopping, never slowing down. All music, no chatter. I look back now and think what a perfect piece of musical meat he was then.
Fastforward- something we did with cassette tapes to hear our favorite songs wedged between sleepers for those of you born in the cd age- about 15 years later. Ted is on tour with KISS as their opening act. We arrive a little late. Old Man Nugent spends most of his time ranting about undocumented workers not speaking English in his America and how they need to get the hell out. He swears at people in the audience who have beers in hands. He yells at a kid and calls him a little fucker and advises him not to drink or drug like the idiot adults in the audience. He puts on a shirt made from a rebel flag and an Indian war bonnet and tries to play "Great White Buffalo." Ted is booed off the stage by anyone who wasn't in the beer line.
The next day, KISS kicks his sorry ass off the tour. I threw out my Ted Nugent Greatest Hits cassette and didn't replace it with a CD.
Now Ted is the most wacked out spokeskiller for the GOP and has made threatening remarks concerning President Obama. No one in the GOP seems to care about this. Free speech, gawdammit! Mitt Romney courted him for his endorsement. According to Ted, they had a real heart-to-heart talk about Ted's endorsement.
Dear Ted Nugent,
Maybe you never took a drink of alcohol or took any drugs, but dude, you are fucked up in so many ways. If you're in prison next year or dead, I won't miss you at all.
Someone who smokes dope, drinks alcohol, and doesn't threaten to kill other living beings or even eat meat