WHAT A MAN CALLS HIS WOMAN
What's in a name? Apparently, a lot more than you (or I) ever thought there was. Here's what his pet name for you really means.....
Darling -- Depends on how he says it. If he stresses the first syllable, then he's probably done something wrong or wants money.
Dear -- Probably a leftover from his parents. Expect him to wear woolly cardigans, smoke a pipe and prefer a mug of Ovaltine to lager.
Sweetheart -- If it's said patronizingly, it's not so sweet. But when uttered in earnest, it may send your own sweet heart aflutter.
Babe -- Not to be confused with the film of the same name. Check for flares or signs that he's a 70s throwback. He's a bit of a medallion man. Chances are he's got his initials on his chunky ring. Leave immediately if he tries to sell you a second-hand car.
Baby doll -- This type of man will probably require you to wear transparent frilly nighties even in the dead of winter. He doesn't want you to grow up, and obviously can't deal with real women.
Princess -- Never trust a man who calls you princess. You may think you're being treated like royalty, but beware of Prince Charmings - they may be secretly plotting your over- throw.
Sexy -- Fine if you're sexy. If you're not, who cares? He probably thinks you are anyway!!
My girlfriend -- He's honest, open and probably glad to have you around. The next thing you know he'll be using your name!
The wife -- If you're married then he probably thinks he owns you. If you're not, he probably thinks you act like his wife, in which case, he thinks he owns you.
My other half -- You complete the set - he's only half a man without you. But it may make you feel as though you are losing your identity somewhere.
The missus -- See The Wife.
My partner -- He's right on. Probably likes eating tofu and hugging trees.
My significant other -- He's even more right on. Probably thinks it's cruel to eat tofu and that trees need their own space.
She who must be obeyed -- He thinks you're a nag, but probably doesn't lift a finger around the house.
WORKING MAN'S BLUES
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so ...they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because ...it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that ...was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but ...I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just ...didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I...couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found ...I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I...didn't have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I ...just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I ...couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I ...tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was ...just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I ...wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a fitness-center, but they said I ...wasn't fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I ...was discharged.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was ...no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it ...was always the same old grind.