Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
SEMI DRIVERS D.O.T RENEWAL TEST. (I first told this one on the Lee Mac's Ozark Opry stage in 1970 during amateur night.)
...Billy Bob and Jim Bob were 2 truck drivers from the Ozark mountains of Missouri.
...It was time for Bill Bob's D.O.T. drivers renewal.
...He passed the written part with flying colors, not one wrong answer!!
...That ticked off the examiner, who wanted to see at least ONE wrong answer.
...After an extensive verbal exam, which Billy Bob got them ALL right, the examiner decided to get creative with a question.
...Billy Bob, tell me what you would do, your hauling a tanker full of aviation gasoline; and your going down on the wrong side of a step mountain road, your brakes were out, and your fast approaching a whole mess of cars heading towards you, What would you do??
...Why I would wake up Jim Bob.
...Why in tarnation would you wake up Jim Bob for???
...Well, he ain't never seen a wreck like the one were fixing to have.
DREAM PROBLEMS ( A new one by me.)
A guy is at his psychiatrists office, and tells the doctor, "Doc, I have been having these extremly weird dreams, in one I am a stop watch, in another I am an egg timer?
...The shrink says, "There is a simple explanation for this, and it clearly shows to me that you are a two timer."