Johnny Depp was once rumored to have cheated on Vanessa Paradis with Angelina Jolie. If that was true his tastes in women have changed--but not for the better. Recently, the Dark Shadows star was reportedly seen "making a hasty exit from an office building connected to Ashley Olsen's apartment..."
"He looked like he didn't want to be seen," tattled a source who apparently saw Depp making his escape.
Even more intriguingly, employees in the office building claim an email had been circulated earlier advising them that the actor would be using their building's exits as a means of avoiding the paparazzi. This led to further speculation that the 48-year-old Depp and the 25-year-old Ashley Olsen must be having an affair.
"It was quiet in her apartment, like it was just the two of them in there," explained yet another insider. "It didn't seem like it was just a visit between friends. When he left the next day, he looked like he was out of it."
In all fairness to Johnny Depp and Ashley Olsen, none of the above observations proves the 2 are having an affair. It simply proves that La Olsen has some extremely nosey and imaginative neighbors. On the other hand, if the rumors are true, and the 2 are "dating," they're probably the most bizarre couple since Depp's old movie Benny and Joon. Or not. Actually, Depp and Olsen make perfect sense as a couple. She's a formerly borderline anorexic child star turned fashion mogul who still resembles a wax-work elf. He's a former small screen teen idol who, despite his scrofulous appearance and bizarre fashion sense (or maybe because of both) has somehow convinced the world that he's a "Great Actor."
What Vanessa Paradis must think of this latest romantic rumor about her baby daddy is unknown. As for his former reported fling, Angelina Jolie must be wondering what on earth she was thinking.
Oh well, there's only one more question. If Johnny Depp and Ashley Olsen are a couple, what will they be called? Jashley? Or Ashny?
Oh, the horror. The horror.
Â© Hope Carson 2012
Hope Carson is the author of 2 books: A Roaring Girl: An Interview with the Thinking Man's Hooker and A Thousand and One Night Stands: The Life of Jon Vincent. You can follow her on Twitter.