How Can Children Survive their Parents' Legacy?

Comments: 22

Dennis Gilman Feb 20, 2012, 10:43am UTC

". . . how do children survive growing up with parents who may be abusing drugs and alcohol? Where do they get their support and hope?"

I can tell you from personal observation of a cousin in that situation.

The child needs only one good parent. Her mother was that parent. She was also fortunate to be part of two very close-nit families. My parents and their siblings were constantly involved and her mother's siblings also involved themselves. Both sides provided not only love, council and sympathetic ears, they also provided good examples, schooling and even a place to live now that she's an adult.

My siblings and I had a different problem to deal with while growing up: An abusive mother. Dad was the good parent. The abuse cycle did not continue with any of us.

The child really needs only one good adult who loves him/her a lot and whom he/she loves in return. That adult need not even be a relative; just a friend will do.

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 10:49am UTC

That's very inspiring. I look around at our city, where gang activity is getting worse and worse each day. Children are turning to these gangs as a replacement for the family they are lacking at home. And we all know what that leads to. It breaks my heart that this is happening.

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Alice G. Feb 20, 2012, 10:49am UTC

Gloria, this is one of the places our churches need to step in and try to help by making recovery groups available for hurting people whether from substance abuse, divorce, co-dependency, crisis pregancy and even grief. This is needed far more now than every before. If the churches cannot minister to people with nonjudgemental acceptance then we are not doing what Jesus commanded us (for the least of these). I am sad to say I don't see nearly enough of this-we tend to shoot our wounded. May God help us change that.

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 10:54am UTC

Very true. The church, as a whole, isn't being effective in the communities. And, sad, but, true, we do shoot our wounded and trample them.

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Pamela Marks Feb 20, 2012, 11:12am UTC

My husband grew up with his family using drugs and alchohol, he quite smoking a few years back, hasn't done any drugs since two weeks before he met me, and he will have an occasional drink from time to time, how did he do it? the drugs I would have never approved of. the smoking went when he woke up sick one morning and said enough was enough, and the drinking has had its ups and downs, but we have never gone poor over it and it has never impaired him taking care of his family or knowing what comes first.

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 11:16am UTC

Looks like he found something stronger and more important to live for. That's a blessing.

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Kevin E. Feb 20, 2012, 11:21am UTC

Gloria what an important post. I think that our communities need to step in. It does indeed take a village to raise our children. As has already been written, other family members and churches can make a difference so can teachers, community leaders, librarians, coaches and more.

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 11:25am UTC

Thanks for your comment. I pray that our children find the kind of support that they need. Hopefully, breaking the cycle of abuse and the things that it leads to.

Kevin E. Feb 20, 2012, 11:27am UTC

From your words to God's ears. I do too. I have written a story in my next book "Heroes in Blue jeans about some heroes that help stop abuse to three children.

Dennis Gilman Feb 20, 2012, 12:01pm UTC

The entire "village" should involve themselves, however, I have noticed that the "villagers" in the cities must be extra careful because their attempts, if snubbed, can result in injury or death.

It is best if several persons help that child. It is best if the child can be made part of a community that provides positive peer pressure, but if that is impossible or impractical, one adult can achieve it for each child. I've seen it for myself several times.

In one case, the mother who tried and tried unsuccessfully with her family once asked me to just study the bible with her difficult children. I gave it a try and was amazed at the transformation! It had nothing to do with my skills as a preacher. None of them converted to my religion nor attended even one congregation meeting, but they all stopped their bad practices. That doesn't always work of course, but it doesn't hurt to try.

She constantly urges the eldest to convert, but I told her not to push her too hard.

Kevin E. Feb 20, 2012, 12:03pm UTC

Very true and very good advice.

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Rosa j. Feb 20, 2012, 1:30pm UTC

Interesting topic. My story is completely different. Will probably share it someday. Parents have a great propensity to contribute, but do not control a child's destiny. Speaking of Bobbi Kristina, she has two uncles, neither were seen or mentioned at her mother's funeral, yet biography reveals they exist. It was other folk who walked with her grandmother behind her mother's casket..(hope I did not steer too far from the topic)

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 1:36pm UTC

No, not off topic. Gary was mentioned - his wife spoke on behalf of the family. She's the one who said she ate lunch/dinner with Whitney that day. I just think the brothers like to keep a low profile. But, they were mentioned. Hopefully, they will step up and be strong male presences in her life. I know Bobby loves her, but, sometimes he's not stable. :)

Rosa j. Feb 20, 2012, 1:44pm UTC

I remember the sister and brother in law. Perhaps, I missed the part about the brothers...thats what happens when i watch something and practice my meditation relaxation techniques at the same time:) Anyway, your topic is interesting, and it is settled in my mind that many folk from different walks of life are in a position to give valuable input. Blessings.

Rosa j. Feb 20, 2012, 1:51pm UTC

Oh, and Gloria. I am not an advocate of rehap as the majority of society accepts it today. In many instances,I find it to be a waste of money and time. I have been many places, seen a whole lot of faces, and have not yet met a single person who admits receiving the help they really needed from "rehab". Patches, but not real help.

Gloria G Feb 20, 2012, 2:05pm UTC

I believe you. I think often times, the type of rehab they enter into is more of a spa. If you truly want to break away from something, you have to change your whole lifestyle. Going to rehab, then, hanging out with the same folks isn't a good thing - it won't work.

What get's my attention is that everyone knew Whitney was drinking, and not one of her 'friends' tried to talk her out of it. One person said she was just having a good time. NOPE she was undoing her progress and killing herself.

Rosa j. Feb 20, 2012, 2:39pm UTC

Gloria, the ways of the world can be "quiet a trip". I believe some things are going to come out about this that will "rock the nation"...keep listening...

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Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Feb 20, 2012, 3:24pm UTC

I can tell you from personal experience, and bad choices. You come to a point you must take responsibility and ignore the abusers and what they did to you. Its just an excuse to do it.