by Nippy Katz (Not his real name) Demigod about Town
Member since:
August 10, 2006

Nine Traits Common to All Conservatives

February 16, 2012 12:45 PM UTC
views: 0 | 3 people recommend this | comments: 8
  1. Eat boogers in public places sometimes offering them to others.
  2. Hoarding--their houses and apartments are so clogged with old newspapers, fast food wrappers, rubber band balls, and Harriet Carter catalogues that it's almost impossible to get anywhere.
  3. Would have large families if they could figure out how to accomplish it.
  4. Enjoy kitten torture parties.
  5. Think pop music has been on a steady downhill march since Wayne King--The Waltz King--retired.
  6. Get on waiting lists to be abused by malefactors of great wealth.  Hope someday to be insulted by Larry Ellison.
  7. Believe that vaccination is the reason that we were unable to wipe out the indigenous peoples of North America.
  8. Support Hitler and Idi Amin and believe that Attila the Hun is a role model.
  9. Need a witness when cashing their welfare and disability checks.

Comments: 8

aniko    Feb 16, 2012, 1:32pm UTC
One out of nine (providing the fast food wrappers and the Harriet Carter catalogues are illustrative and not specifically required). How Conservative does that make me?
The fast food wrappers and Harriet Carter catalogues just seem to be there, according to research by the Katz Institute. As yet our staff has been unable to establish a causal relationship. Another trait we're investigating is Precious Moments figurines.
One out of nine is troubling but probably curable.
aniko    Feb 16, 2012, 2:59pm UTC
Well, I don't have those, though I do have old newspapers, at least one rubber band ball (one of the kids thought it was cool), lots of school-related debris, broken toys, and old books.
Sounds like a normal accumulation of junk, especially considering the presence of kids in the house. No need to worry. :)
Jim G. Feb 16, 2012, 8:37pm UTC
Hah!

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