My Secret Cibophobia: Wednesday Writing Essentials (phobia)

Until age 39, I had successfully kept my biggest phobia a secret. You might say the cat got out of the bag at an elegant dinner party that did not use MSG. The Chef had been flown in from France. After the main course, he came out and took a bow to wild applause. It was then he asked a lady to describe what she liked best. She was gushing to be spoken to by this famous Chef and said, ’I loved it all’ and asked for his autograph.

The Chef then turned on me and asked the same question. I really did not want to think about anything I had eaten, so I replied, ’It was okay.’ The Chef shouted ’Sacrebleu’ and seemed poignantly insulted. He looked at me with fire in his eyes and then hissed, ’Cancel the dessert!’ He then went directly to his car without taking off his apron and sped away. Almost everyone there had a sweet tooth and things were getting pretty ugly.

I was called names I had never heard before and was kicked out of several social clubs. Then a lady stood up and threw her saucer Frisbee style at me. Luckily, her aim was off, but many picked up their saucers and with red faces and eyes blazing: Just at the moment Dr. Boid stood up and said, ’Please take a moment to refine your aim as I explain this man’s problem that has a medical name.’

Dr. Boid was my shrink and nutritionist. He had helped to identify my malady and said it  
Cibophobia. I wasn’t born this way, but the good shrink said my causes quite deep. He had me hypnotized and found strained peas the base of my malady, but not the biggest difficulty. There had been a mistake where salt instead of sugar had been used in a cake mix. The cake tasted so horrible that I puked and after that all sweets and food I refused.

People like Strawberry Shortcake, Devil’s Food cake or a Banana split, but I wanted none of this. On Friday I’d eat fish, so people would think me religious and not think badly of me not eating all on my round 16“ dish. Thankfully, with Dr. Boid’s help, I found I could maintain good nutrition by drinking water, beer, Cognac and eating beans, which have many good vitamins. Dr. Boid, at that dinner told my secret to keep me from having a more severe condition..