 Top five regrets of the dying
GUARDIAN
 A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."Â Â >>>>
recommend
Facebook
Twitter
bookmark 
print
Comments: 10
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
I can understand that, and I think it would be common, except it is a hell of a time for that realization. Hopefully, people would come to some understanding that they've lived their lives, or at least a good portion, to please parents, teachers, children, spouses, etc. Sometimes, I think that is also being true to oneself. It's what you needed to do at that time to be true to yourself. It depends on one's identity, and perhaps that's the real issue. I remember clearly how annoyed I was in high school with the discussions on identity crisis. Though I understood and could empathize with those going through such a crisis of finding themselves to a point, it also disturbed me that it was such a problem for them.
I think regrets should never exist, and if they do you need to realize that only you create them, and they're only in your own head. The time is now; not yesterday; not tomorrow; but now. Of course, with a perspective that our spirits do not die, but do live on, it's easier because it's only the beginning for those of us with this perpsective.
I quite agree...in some very serious ways, Living for Others really IS what Living is.
Conversely, as a Professional Drummer most of my Life, I can at least relate to the notion that I've not "lived" to the expectations of others..... I vividly remember my Mum: "Now, Son, you wouldn't want to find yourself starving and grifting and carrying-on when most should be making sleep; and living from a flight trunk, and amongst Pink Flamingo's on the balconies of High-Rise Tenement's, and Lawn Boys on Concrete Driveways..." My Mum is a Doll. And I would say to her, in my earnest (and my utter naivete'), "I couldn't imagine that I am anyone else..." ;)
She was, of course, right :)
The naval-gazing that began fairly-recently in our History has had, in my opinion, a deleterious effect...and not a promotional one. I believe some refer to it as 'narcissism.'
Right you are, Sue...the time is Now. Something I forget, and hope to remember enough to remind myself, everyday.
Sue, you are a Wise Woman.
As you say, if you are the center of your own world, you might have those regrets at the end that you didn't make yourself enough the center of your world.
Your mother sounds like a fun person. Thank you, Mark-John. The wisdom comes from Somewhere Else, and I have to remind myself of these things too sometimes.
She really is something else, again.
i know my dad held an expectation, that i would live with honor, be honest, devoted to my faith, and maintain a sense of humor.
he instiolled in me, that with those things, everything else would fall in place,with effort.
i know some have excpecations for others in terms of what career they go into, how or who they marry, and many children they will have, how much monetary success they shuold have.
when those burdens are thrown on others, there will always be a sense of disapointment for all involved.
You are fortunate to have had a good Man to Teach you Good things.
wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
my wife and i, while grandparents, and only a year or two from being great grandparents, still act silly.
we make funny noises, say funny things, and act childish in one way or another ervery day.
for exqample - when we have an occasion that involves wrapping paper - within minutes - we are all throwing wads of it at each other - the trick is to look at one person and throw at another - or try to get it hung up in the ceiling fan and we all laugh till well - sides hurt for the younger ones for us ....oh well whats alittle dampness lol.
it is routine to still be finding little balls or wrapping paper 6 months after Christmas.
our parents all instilled the right to be silly, and have harmless fun.
my youngest at about age 4 spilled some pop, and was almost hysterical sobbing how much trouble he would be in (my wife is not his mother btw) saying 'i am so stupid, i always mess up everything' etc.
so i went over and dribbled some beer on the floor beside him.
it cleans up ya know?
isnt fun the best thing to have?