Mother is getting hospice care now and might not even make it until the end of the week or end of the day.
I'm not close to my family at all, except my sister. She called me to tell me mother was doing so terribly bad.
When Mom was first diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the doctor told her not to worry about it, she would die of old age first. But he was wrong. Several tumors started to grow like crazy and didn't respond to any treatments and then all of a sudden mother just nosedived into where she isn't even able to take in any water anymore.
My sister put me on the phone with mom today. Mom wasn't able to talk and so for once I had to do all the talking. I didn't know what to say - I didn't feel like just saying "good bye" so instead I thanked her for all the mom stuff she did for me when I was a kid. I thanked her for all the times she drove me to Boy Scouts (never thought to thank her for that before) and all kinds of stuff like that. I tried to think of it all but I know I forgot most of it. I grew up on a farm and she was always driving us into Quincy for a wide wide variety of stuff to do - if there was the Dog Wood Day Parade then mom took us to watch that, there was lots of shopping, YWCA summer art classes - lots of things like that. I thanked her for a rich childhood!
I finally thought to thank her for my being an artist. She encouraged me from day one and I always had art supplies. I thanked her that I was always surrounded by lots of books and that she always took me to the library. I went on and on and wanted to remember all kinds of little things like that to thank her for from way back, that a person doesn't think to thank anybody for on a usual average day.
Mom and I haven't gotten along much in the last 25 years or so. She's very very conservative and I'm very very gay. But put on the phone with her today I suddenly remembered that I had lots of memories from before I grew up too much, when she was just a MOM to a kid. I thanked her for that part of it all, and that was a lot of stuff.