Katy Perry and Russell Brand were married for 14 months. But how married were they, really? Was their marriage really nothing more than an incredibly shrewd, meticulously planned, and flawlessly executed career move? Are Kate and Russ the new and improved, slicker and less obvious Kim Kardashian?
Impossible as it may seem to many, especially those who are diehard romantics, that cute little Katy Perry and her bizarro-world soon-to-be-ex Russell Brand may have just out-Kardashian'd Kim. According to an anonymous inside source, La Perry isn't as devastated by the divorce as she'd have the public believe. She's not even upset. In fact, she recently implied to a friend that the divorce was a great career move. When the insider reportedly tried to console Katy over the great loss of the great love of her life, she calmly quipped, "It worked out just fine for both of our careers. I'm a bigger star now, and so is he!" The friend was "floored."
Yikes. Talk about remaining calm, cool, and collected under pressure. Either Katy has a better poker face than Lady Gaga or something is really rotten in the state of celebrity marriages.
If the "insider's" story is true, then Katy Perry and Russell Brand make Kim Kardashian look like a rank amateur. Kim dumped What's-His-Name after only 72 days. Too fast. Their headlong rush into divorce court made the whole thing look phony. Perry and Brand stuck it out for 14 months. Also brief, but long enough to seem like a real union. The Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries nuptials were hyped to the gills and made the already rich Kardashian clan millions. Although the Perry-Brand nuptials in India weren't quite as lucrative in terms of cash flow, they garnered the "couple" scads of free publicity world-wide. Remember the fight between Russell Brand's bodyguards and the security at the Tiger reserve where they were wed? If the Kardashian wedding was a farcical fairy tale, the Perry-Brand wedding a near-melodramatic movie of the week. Last but not least, Kim and company are still riding the wave of media scrutiny after her divorce. Although most of it is intensely negative and/or downright hatefulÂ—like Snoop Dog's obscenely misogynistic videoÂ—in Hollywood there's no such thing as bad publicity. Furthermore, her ex-hubby, Kris Humphries, is more famous than he ever would have become by bouncing a stupid basketball around a court. He's giving interviews right and left, filing lawsuits (or threatening to), and signing $8 million contracts. And now, the whole world knows his name. The guy should get dumped every day. As for the former Mr. and Mrs. Brand, the world always knew their names. Now those names are on everyone's lips.
Oh well, everybody has to do what they have to do. More power and best of luck to all of them. Not that they really need it.
Â© Hope Carson 2011
Hope Carson is the author of 2 books: A Roaring Girl: An Interview with the Thinking Man's Hooker and A Thousand and One Night Stands: The Life of Jon Vincent. You can follow her on Twitter.