Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.
After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
KIDS UNDERSTAND LOVE
Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
"Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
"You can break love, but it won't die."
QUICKIE Q & A
Father: How were the exam questions?
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
I'm learning ancient history?
So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
GOD THE PARENT
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.
"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.