Justin Bieber, reading from a prepared statement today, denied the latest paternity accusation from the notorious Nippy Katz. He said in part, "The frog, first of all, is a male. Second, I did not have sex with that frog. Third, the frog is notorious for get rich quick schemes such as Katz Bonds™. It's my understanding that he has accused other celebrities of things they did not do."
Nippy Katz (Not His Real Name,) Patriotic Troll of Gather Freedom yesterday accused Bieber of fertilizing his eggs. "Yes," said the tearful frog, "Justin and I had a whirlwind affair. The bestiality charges just break my heart. We had a genuine bond that went deeper than casual sex. The cross species fertility came as a surprise to both of us. All I ask is that Justin step up and take responsibility for his spawn. My attorney, George Remus, has filed the appropriate legal documents to compel Justin to pay child support. We're still in the process of working out a custody agreement. I expect the eggs to hatch any day now, so time is of the essence. I can only hope that Justin's feelings for me are as strong as mine for him. I would hate to think he's tossed me on his compost heap of broken hearts."
Dr. Grizbor Tznucq, JD, DDS, DVM, Katz's veterinarian, when questioned about Katz's gender said, "Katz is an unusual frog. His ability to produce fertile eggs came as a surprise to me. X-rays prove that Katz has the necessary organs. He is the first monecious frog on record. This raises some interesting questions. We've contracted with Burke and Hare to investigate the existence of other frogs like Katz in the wild."
Bieber's third point has some merit. Katz achieved some notoriety three years ago when he claimed that Paris Hilton's dog urinated on him. The frog and the heiress settled out of court for an undetermined amount. The details were sealed by a nondisclosure agreement. Katz also accused Donald Trump of banning him from Trump's casinos for specious reasons. At the time Trump said, "We have video of the frog counting cards in blackjack and attempting to install a magnetic device on a roulette wheel." The frog filed a libel suit that was thrown out of court.
According to Dr. Tznucq, as soon as the eggs hatch, their DNA will be sequenced.