For years I had pretty good luck with the enchanted prince line. If that failed there was always the toad slime line. I dunno. I'm losing my charisma. The other day I ran into Kim Kardashian at the grocery store. She was stocking up on pork rinds and flavored vodka. She looked ripe for the toad slime approach. I hopped up to her confidently and said, "Hey baby, wanna get high. All you have to do is lick me." She said "Eat flies, frog." and threatened to step on me.
Maybe I should have worn my crown. I had it made by a friend of mine who's a genius with costume jewelry and fake gem stones. The rubies, diamonds, and emeralds on the crown have fooled many women, even some who have built up large collections of the real stuff in safe deposit boxes.
I'm not going to give any details about my assignations with Angelina Jolie and Lindsay Lohan. Let's just say that a good time was had by all. For years I had backstage passes to rock and roll shows and never wore out the toad slime line. Ah, those were the days.
I may be reduced to the big butter and egg man strategy. Unfortunately that requires cash. Like Ray Charles sang, "If you want to have fun in this man's land I want to see Lincoln and Jackson shaking hands." Doctor Clayton put it a bit differently. The woman in his song said, "Hey mister slicker. Have you got any cash on you? If you ain't got money there ain't no business we can do." Your frog correspondent is reduced to Gather Points™ as his major source of disposable income. This, wait for it, is where you come in. An amphibian has needs and needs Gather Points™ to make his dreams come true.