A beautiful, ugly game.
These were the words a newscaster used to describe Game Six of The World Series. It was truly a perfect way of summing up the game. Let it be known, I love sports. I am the " son" my dad never had. I enjoy baseball, hockey, football, soccer, rugby, volleyball, basketball and more. I even watch golf and wrestling on occasion. The only "sport" I cannot watch is boxing. However, I do think watching baseball during the regular season is about as exciting as watching paint peel off the walls; but come World Series time, I am glued to the television, no matter which teams are playing.
Game Six was probably the most exciting game of baseball I have ever seen. Errors, comebacks, a team winning in spectacular, practically shocking style. It was the ride of a lifetime for anyone who watched. I wished I was in the stadium that night, wearing red and waving a white towel/hankie with the rest of the Cardinals fans.
Now I am an English teacher, so naturally, ultimately, everything has a layer of symbolism/metaphor to it. I cannot help but see how this series reflected both my reality and dream world.
As many of you know, my life has been a beautiful and ugly game the last few months, health wise. But I have also been going through a lot of emotional turmoil; part of this is due to my illnesses, the other part due to personal family issues. At one point I lost glimpse of hope and possibility. I really thought I was dying about three weeks ago and I nearly did. And yet somehow I keep having one comeback after the other, even when the odds are truly against me. I fight, claw and work my way back with the help of my teammates (family, boyfriend and friends).
Now, ever since my heart attack in July I have had one "end of the world" style dream after another. It is obvious to see the reason why, so the fact that I have these dreams doesn't surprise me. Clearly they are a thread/direct parallel to the fears I have been facing. What has been amazing is the variety of scenarios I have both starred, and directed, in these dreams. But last night's dream really was the most interesting to me.
The first half of my dream I was thrust into a city type atmosphere. I was younger and married to a blonde man and we had a blonde child, around three years old, sleeping in the other room. I told him that the wall near her crib was cracking and something was wrong. He practically ignored me and the crack got worse until the wall was starting to fall apart. At the same time I knew there was a military-type invasion going on outside. I saw drones, soldiers on foot and there were screams reaching the high floor we lived on. I knew there was no escape and I knew we died.
In the second half of my dream, I was "given" the opportunity to rewind and redo the situation so the outcome was positive (a.k.a., we'd live). I created elaborate and successful schemes to convince my husband I was right, hoodwink the soldiers, escape the city and survive. It was an action film where at times I was separated from my husband, but we reunited at the end, safe and away from the city invasion. The world was charred, but we were alive and somehow I knew others survived too.
Life for everyone, really, is one beautiful and ugly game. There is an inherent balance built in so we never fully take for granted the joys that come our way, even in the darkest of times. For me, even my dreams provide a space to work out my fears or create happiness, depending on what my "reality" needs. A ying to my reality yang. Of course I do yearn for a simple, less complex dream life/real life, but I don't think creative people really have that option. I am also not certain if one state of mind is more real than the other, but I digress.
The Rangers will probably spend the off season wondering what went wrong. The Cards will revel, deservedly so, in the glory of their spectacular victory. As for me, I will continue to ponder what went wrong, how I can effect positive changes to be healthier, both mentally and physically, and yet marvel in the beauty of this game called LIFE of which I am so thrilled to still be playing, while sleeping and awake.
by JustMe ~I'm happy to be~
August 16, 2008
~A Beautiful, Ugly Game~
October 29, 2011 09:21 AM EDTviews: 93 10 people recommend this comments: 48
A beautiful, ugly game.
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