Short facebook funnies! 09/02/2011

I have 2 friends who are just... well shall we say totally hilarious.  They love to make us friends giggle.  So I have compiled the latest facebook funnies they felt compelled to share.  So here's to you Kelly and Jeff!!  You're gonna be famous......

On the Internet!!!  Gotcha!

No, Occifer - I don't know how fast I was going (hiccup), but you caught me so obviously I was not going fast enough!

I went for a run today. Of course it was a beer run, but I was sweating.

You fall down the stairs drunk off your ass. Your good friend would run down to help you up. Your best friend would keep going and say "Walk much?"

Officer: "Ma'am, can you step out of the vehicle?"

ME: " Nope, but you can get in."

warning! warning! warning! unless you have video, I didn't do it!

Due to OSHA requirements, no more than two people can be on my ass at any givin time, otherwise I'll have to install handrails and safety straps..

Is time on a stand still today?or am I just that impatient for the work day to end?.the tick tocks in the clocks needs to tickeedy tock a Lil faster!!

I just found out my Indian name is...chugalottajava.

Yet another friends statuses...

Warning: I have some serious character defects and I'm not afraid to use them ツ

I'm secure enough as a man where I've got no problem buying tampons. But apparently, when it come to socially acceptable gifts to give, they are about last on the list ツ

It's definitely Friday... I can feel my 'beeralogical' clock a ticking ツ

I know you shouldn't text and drive but I've only had 2-3 texts today, so I'm pretty sure I'm under the legal limit ツ

FYI: I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words, just in case you were thinking about messin' with me ツ

Today, I think I'll perform a Random Act of Flatulence. I truly believe that It's better to give, than receive. Enjoy! :)

Website pop-up ads are pretty much like the Jehovah's Witnesses of the internet... except ya can't just push 'em off'n your porch ツ

I don't mind the laughing during sex, but the pointing is really starting to bug me :)

Hey slow driver, just because I cut you off and then laughed at you for it, is no reason to be angry. I'm teaching you tolerance... and a thank you would be appreciated :)

Everyone was so quick to point out the obvious typo in my "Meating in the conference room" email... until I pelted them with chunks of bologna. BAM! ツ

Hope you all enjoyed reading these as much as I have....  Have a happy day!!