Thursday on CNN’s web site the Talk Back segment asks the aforementioned question. According to the Heritage Foundation’s Robert Rector, who apparently believes it depends on what the definition of poor is.’ “The most recent government data show that more than half of the families defined as poor by the Census Bureau have a computer in the home. More than three of every four poor families have air conditioning, almost two-thirds have cable or satellite television, and 92% have microwaves. …”
Well, thank God for CNN and Robert Rector. The whole world has been struggling for 3 years to find a scapegoat, er, a… ‘the root causality‘… mmm, yeah that sounds pretty brainy and technical, for the economic downturn with no end in sight we’ve been experiencing for the last bah, blah, blah, blather, blather, blather and so on and so forth and whatever.
But!!! Thanks to CNN and Mr. Rector we now know what must be done. That’s right, first on the agenda… no more computers for poor people. Personally, I’d like to know how in the hell did poor people get their hands on a computer. Aren’t those gadgets supposed to be priced beyond the means of poor people? What gives here anyway? The only conclusion to be made is that it must be part of a Communist conspiracy to undermine the American way.
Then it will be necessary to form a government agency charged with getting air conditioners out of the hands of poor people. It will be called the ACEA, Air Conditioner Enforcement Agency. And since this agency will be kicking the doors of poor people down anyways, they will be charged with removing any contraband cable or satellite TV receivers as well.
But our biggest challenge will be the tracking down and disposal of the more than 40 million microwave ovens estimated to be in the hands of poor people. One can only imagine what they are doing or planning on doing with these devices. Experts believe the only way to address the problem will be the formation of a second government agency separate from the ACEA. And by experts, I mean a group of fictitious persons that exist in my imagination. This agency will be known as the Bureau of Microwave Ovens and because of the vast nature of it’s mission will require an annual budget of 6 hundred mmflnillion dollars.
Of course this effort will require congress to put all our other problems on ignore for the next several years. And it will require significant uh,… revenue enhancements’ from the uh,… job creators’, but in the end it will be more than worth it. Once the poor have been put back into their place. Er, I mean… re-educated to the idea that frivolous luxuries like a used POS window mounted air conditioner for an 88 year old woman living in Atlanta is just not very patriotic, we can be sure that a full economic recovery will ensue.