The story went something like this:
Seargeant: When you are scared, what do you do?
Recruit: Keep on fightin'
Seargeant: Good for you. And now they shoot off your right ear...what then?
Recruit: Keep on fightn'!
Seargeant: Excellent. But now they also shoot off your left ear, what then?
Recruit: Then I can't see.
Seargeant: Can't see? what school did you come from?
Recruit: Well seargeant, when both my ears are gone my helmet falls down...over my eyes.
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."