About 18 months ago, our church advertised on our sign out front that we were going to have a free dinner for anyone who wanted to attend. Only 3 strangers were attracted by the sign, but they all stayed past that one worship service and dinner. One was a woman alone. The other was a couple.
That first day that they visited, the woman in the couple rushed right in to help. She worked in the kitchen, even though it was certainly not a requirement of having a free meal. When there was a work day, the two of them showed up and worked from beginning to end. At our church, only the pastor is paid and everything else is done by volunteers. The couple took a shift for cleaning the church, including cleaning toilets.
They walked to church, and when hubby and I found that out, we started offering to pick them up before church and driving them home. In the winter months, they took us up on that. We exchanged phone numbers and talked sometimes throughout the week. For a year, they were at almost every worship service, small group once a week, and every church activity.
At Christmas last year, she cried because she couldn't buy her kids any gifts and our church made sure that the kids and the couple all had lots and lots of packages under the tree.
Then they stopped coming. First is was because they were house-sitting. Then it was because her mother needed her in the house-cleaning business. I left messages with her daughters, but didn't get a return call. And the cell phone I had for the man was disconnected.
Finally, I saw her at the little convenience just up the street from my house last week. We hugged. She told me how much she loved me and Jim. And how much she loved everyone at the church. And that she had seen Jesus in everyone at our church. It turned out that she had moved from the area. They had been living with her mother not far from our church. Now they were living in another part of town with his mother.
Right away that concerned me. She had been in rehab for drugs. I know that one can find drugs anywhere, but in our neighborhood it would have been more difficult than in the neighborhood where they had moved. She had been clean while living in our area. But I wondered if the temptation would be too strong with the move.
She gave me her new cell phone and we talked about having Jim and me pick her and her fellow up for church the next Sunday. We didn't care how far away it was. We wanted them to keep the connection that they had started with us and with God.
Yesterday I learned that on Thursday, she passed away from an accidental drug overdose. She was only 42 and leaves behind 3 kids - 2 girls about 18 and 22 and a son about 13. And her long term good male friend. And her mom and sisters.
I cried when I heard about her death. And I cried in church today when the pastor told us that we need to keep reaching out to the people around us so that we can continue to touch lives like this.
But I have to wonder....could we have done more?
I guess this bothers me a tad more than others in our church, not only because we were the ones who heard more of their stories and spent more time with them. But it also brought my brother to mind, who passed away because of his long-term addiction to alcohol.
There are hurting people all around us and sometimes we just don't see them.
Rest in peace, my friend. I'm sorry that I didn't do more for you. And I pray that our church can reach out to the rest of your family in their time of need.
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Comments: 22
As soon as all of our finances are back "on track" again (hopefully by the end of this month), I am hoping/wanting to be able to help some of the poor souls over at our Senior Center. I told one of my pastors that I feel that I have "been guided there" for a reason......much deeper than all the socialization, activities, etc.......but to try and help some of those who lack for oh so much in life.......it is a very sobering experience, when we're there.....they hand out free bread, rolls, bagels, etc.....maybe once or twice a week.......they call people by tables to go up for 1 or 2 things and maybe get a second time to go up......people literally run up there and they're just grab, grab, grabbing at all the free stuff......oftentimes, hubby and I don't go up....we feel there are so many others who need the stuff much more than we do!
There are truly many, many people out in this ole world who are hurting big-time......I want to make a difference, to share, to give of myself.......for "it's much better to give than to receive."
Thanks so much for sharing, Marilyn!!!
Take care.
You may never get a crown here on this earth but I am sure that when you leave this life and enter into your new life, you will get that crown... This world is blessed because of people such as you and your husband Marilyn... Always remember, that you took time for this family... You were there for this family...
This world sure could use alot more people such as you and your church members...
But it breaks my heart that this happened. I do hope that it will mean that her children won't be tempted to go the same route.
When we look back in retrospect at any situation, not necessarily this one, although I think it still applies, we can easily ask ourselves whether we've done enough because we tend to forget the details of the situation we were in when we question whether we could have done more. In your case, how were you to know what became of them and how could you have possibly found out? Is this couple the only concern you have in your life? Were there not other problems and concerns that face you daily that would not allow you to do more? It sounds to me as if you and your husband did everything possible to help them. Addictions are nasty things with the nastiest of consequences, and I blame the way we treat addictions and addicts for the tragedies that ensue because of them.
I'm not feeling as guilty today as I did yesterday. :) I loved this woman, and actually part of me is angry at her mom. She acted jealous of me for the closeness I had with her daughter, and the mom used to wait until 30 minutes before we were ready to pick them up for church to decide that she needed her daughter to help her clean.
My friend had a child's understanding and acceptance of the Lord Jesus, but she was a believer. She had just not fully surrendered to His Lordship. Her mom, on the other hand, needs our prayers not only for the pain she'll undoubtedly go through because of the loss of her daughter, but because she totally rejects the idea of a Creator or of a living God.
What you and you church need to do is not dwell on the end but what happened when they were with you and where they had been before they met you.
Once you accept the success, take the time to recognize how that success was achieved and work doing that again and again to give others the choice.
When we focus what we see as failure, I call the exception, we lose sigth of the success and we forget what made the success by spending too much time on what wasn;t achieved.
Grab the success, embrace the success (even when it is short), and findout how you made that success so you can do it again and again and each time a little longer.
Thank you, for sharing your success. If you spend sometime thinking about how you made it happen would you consider sharing what you learn so we can learn and hopefully find ways to do those things so we can create successes where live?
All we can do is what he draws us to do. Don't feel guilty... everyone is on their own path with the Lord and in life and we can't second guess ourselves. I was once full of woulda, shoulda, and coulda's.. and all anyone can do is what they do. It's the ones who turn a blind eye to people in need... like the fellow at the rich man's gate in one of Jesus's parables in the Bible that are running wrong.... He walked by this man everyday and did nothing... and when he went to hell he wanted someone to go back and warn his brothers...
All we can do is ask God to guide us, and let him carry that burden. I used to worry about people I love, now I just pray for them. It's all I can do sometimes and standing in the gap for someone is important.
I once talked with a friend and a friend of hers did something unusual. A chill went through me. I told her about how I ran up to my parents when things weren't right years ago... and how it was a good thing I did because my father was very very ill and my mother was bedridden and wouldn't have called as my father would not put the phone near her.
I had a feeling this friend of hers needed to be checked on. She acted like I was an idiot and was getting mad at me for urging her to check. I said, Look I know you are going over in two days, but I don't want you to see her car in the driveway, knock on the door and find her lying on the floor dead.
Well two days later she went over there, found her friends car in the driveway... knocked no answer... and when the police came and knocked in the door... there she was... gone.
I felt really really bad. I really had a bad feeling and really thought she needed to check on the friend. She was so angry at me, I backed down.
And, I did feel guilt afterwards.... I hated being right... and wondered why I had that knowing feeling.. and why I gave up and didn't push my friend more. But you know... I can't go back in time and my friend didn't listen to me... it wasn't my friend... and I did do what I could. God had his reason for giving me those feelings about it and I warned my friend and she didn't listen. I can't understand it, but the woman is gone... and my friend was afraid if I was wrong this women would get angry with her. Well I'd rather someone be angry at me, then later find out she died.
I well understand what you are feeling. But like I said, I pray each night that God use me... and guide me and that's all I can do.
You're right, Heather. All we can do is to let Him lead us and to follow where He leads. We don't understand His timing, or sometimes how or why things turn out as they do.
When we were at the funeral home, her youngest daughter told me that the books we had given her mom were there for us to take back if we wanted. I told her that her mom had requested those books and maybe reading them would help her know her mother's heart more.
What were the books? One was a woman's Bible. One was a mother's topical Bible (she was so sorry for the way she had been when the girls were young). Some devotionals. Maybe the girls will read them. I pray that they will.