I was helping a buddy of mine, who was an orthopedic surgeon, move to his new office, and using my car to help transport some of his office equipment.
I had decided to position his somewhat fragile display skeleton strapped into the back seat of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat...
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became quite obvious. I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to a doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. and commented, "I hate to tell you, but I looks like you may be a bit too late!"
I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.
Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"
Me: "Certainly, what width?"
Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Uh, Scissors?"
Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person.
"However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."
From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?"
More and more computer science majors at U.S. colleges are opting not to take programming jobs after they graduate.
Not because they don't want to work in the computer industry, it's just that they want to spend a few more years in America before having to move to India.