I try so hard to understand someone who lies.
I don't mean little occasional lies. 'White lies' we call them, maybe to save someone's feelings or get out of something we don't want to do.
I mean constant lies. Big lies AND tiny lies...... about the mileage traveled on an errand, the traffic, the weather and road conditions; What the doctor said, what she said, how many people did this or that, how long she waited in line for something etc. It's everything.
I know a serial liar. Her lies can always be proven to be lies, yet she lies anyway.
She lies about events that occurred when we were both there. This isn't just a matter of forgetting or a minute detail maybe she or I missed. Oh no!
One day a few months ago she told me she waited 45 minutes for something at a place I recommended to her. Ten minutes should have been sufficient. I don't know if she was trying to make me feel bad, but I sure did...and yet I didn't believe her.
I called this place the next day and I was told she only waited about 15 minutes. It turns out that they time stamp everyone's arrivals and departures. So, she blatantly lied to me.
I have NOT relayed this info to her but I'm so angry about it.
Now this may seem like an exaggeration or an embellishment, a bending of the truth etc etc. I've made all these excuses in the past regarding this person's stories.....but my dear readers, it's still a lie.
Frankly, it was told solely to make me feel bad and that's when it really becomes a nasty habit on her part. She has no filter in her brain to stop herself from telling a lie. I felt awful and apologized to her but she kept saying it and telling me she didn't think I should ever go there again, that she would never go again...I mean she kept pushing at me almost to where I felt bullied in a way.
Last year we both went to a doctor's appointment for me. I was having surgery and I asked if she'd go with me to maybe ask any questions I might forget.
Ever since we were there, she's retold the doctor visit story totally wrong. I had to shush her twice in the consultation with the doctor because she went off on a couple of tangents regarding inconsequential after-surgery stuff that I'd already told her not to ask about. Yet, she keeps saying that it was SHE who asked this one particular important question. SHE didn't ask my doctor that, I did! His answer was very clear, and we talked about it in the car on the ride home, yet she has changed THAT as well in her re-telling. It's odd because I WAS THERE! I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED yet she seems to forget this as she mentions it again and again over the last few months. I keep correcting her but she doesn't get it. Her way of telling it, I was just sitting there mute and SHE asked all the pertinent questions. Sigh.
Now if she was telling a stranger and I wasn't there, then whatever! BUT, she's telling ME and she makes herself almost to be the one who got all of the vital information that day. The heroine of the day. THANK GOD I ASKED HER TO BE THERE, right? Never, I mean never again will I ask for her to be present with me anywhere.
She can't control her lies and she remembers the lies and not the truth.
What makes a person do this?
It's so difficult to deal with a person who lies. I believe NOTHING they say. I hear the lies that are told to other people and I'm supposed to verify them or act like they are true. I'm put in a position that I find impossible. I'm not good at faking my reactions.
Obvious this person I'm talking about is a co-worker and friend. It's tough to distance myself from them, yet I have started doing this. I've told her NOT to tell people things that are untrue because I won't be put in a position to lie and if I deny the story, then it makes her look really bad.
Yet, I don't think a serial liar can stop without serious help.
Do you know someone like this? Are you as frustrated as I am? Can you EVER trust someone who lies as easily as breathe? If they say it's 45 minutes does your mind actually change it to 20 minutes like I do? If they say 10 people were in your office does your mind change it automatically to 5 people? That's what I do and I feel it's closest to the truth.
Heck, I don't want to repeat my co-worker's lie to another person and have them tell me I'm wrong!
I hate being told a lie. No matter how small and inconsequential, telling a lie is WRONG, and can be harmful in ways the liar may not be aware of.
I was told about the 'boy who cried wolf', when I was a kid. The message was clear and it has left a lasting impression. Somehow, nothing bad has ever happened to my co-worker from one of her lies, except that I have a really bad feeling about her because she's involved me and tried to hurt me with her stupid lies. I wonder how many others feel this way about her too without her even knowing they've caught on to her.