Official US Government Website Provides Advice on Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

 

The Centers for Disease Control, an agency of the United States government, finally got with the times and decided to warn the public about the dangers of zombie attacks. Here’s what the CDC plans to do during an outbreak, assuming that its staff shows up for work:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.

This sounds a trifle naïve. Anyway, the website then offers tips on how to prepare your family to live through this kind of unnatural disaster. There is one, huge, glaring oversight: no weapons. There’s not a single mention of the utility of guns, machetes, and such during the most obvious time when they will be absolutely necessary to survive.

But that’s probably more a job for FEMA. Maybe the CDC isn’t the place to go for survival advice.

Link via Say Uncle